Her Knight

Mad at you

The Olympics start in 2 weeks and Kelley and I are both playing our last games today, unfortunately, they both fell on the same day so we can't be at either one of our matches.

"Ready to kick some butt Knight," Steph says slinging an arm over my shoulder as we line up in the tunnel.

I don't say a word just nod my head rapidly feeling incredibly nervous for some reason.

I mean it is the final of the FA Cup, arguably the biggest tournament in women's soccer with over 240 games being played leading up to the final, and somehow we have managed to reach the them where we're about to play Birmingham City

I hold up my hands trying to fix the tape on my wrist since I've done an awful job due to my hands shaking too much

I think Steph notices because she takes a hold of them in her own

"Hey, you okay Hayley?" She asks her motherly instincts taking full effect

I just let out a shaky breath not really sure if I am, to be honest, everything's been building up recently. Being away from Kelley for almost a month now due to our schedules being super busy, the extra hours I've been putting in with Steph, making it to the Final and the Olympics being right around the corner. I think its all hit me at once.

"Ref I'm going to need a few minutes," Steph tells the official who nods her head not sure why the captain has delayed the start of the game.

Steph takes ahold of my arms and helps me walk to a quiet room somewhere. I didn't know where we're going since in trying to focus on my breathing.

"You're fine Hayley, I'm right here, everything's going to be okay" Steph quietly tells me as I feel myself being placed down on a seat.

My hands continue to shake and I bounce my leg up and down feeling an anxiety attack coming on pretty soon.

I look up at Steph pleadingly not wanting this to happen because I know Nick won't let me play otherwise

"Look at me Hayley, you are okay, nothing is going to happen, you're safe with me here, it's just you and me," she says crouching down and looking me in the eyes.

I hang on to every last word she says and try to repeat it in my head hoping the encouraging words will calm me down.

It doesn't seem to be working too well because my breaths are still becoming harder and harder to catch. I suddenly remember something I used to do with Ryder so I grab Steph's hand and start tapping a rhythm on her palm.

1 tap, 3 taps, 2 taps, 4 taps, 1 tap, 3 taps, 2 taps.

I just do this again and again on her hand repeating the words in my head and letting the sound of my finger hitting her palm be the only thing I'm focusing on.

I only seem to need to do it 3 times through before I feel comfortable enough to take a deep breath in and open my eyes again.

"I think I'm okay now" I sign to Steph watching as her shoulders slump in relief.

"you really gave me quite the scare there Hayley," Steph says letting out a weak laugh

"Sorry, I thought I'd finally got over them," I say annoyed at myself for letting it happen

"It's a natural thing Hayley, sometimes we've got too much on our plates and soon it's all overflowing," Steph tells me

"Are you okay to play because I really don't want something to happen in the final if you don't think you're fully there" Steph questions me, her motherly voice coming back out again.