Her Knight

Dazed & Confused

"you sure you want to do this?" Katie asks me a worried look on her face.

"I'm sure, I need to do this" I tell her confidently, she just nods her head.

It's currently the 28th, a couple of days after Christmas and Katie and I are going to take the drive to visit my parents. I last went to visit their grave when I was around 16, just a couple of months before we got adopted actually since then I haven't had the guts to see them again. Maybe it's because I feel a little embarrassed about everything that's happened to me, I was always a tough kid growing up, looking after the little ones that got picked on and putting the bullies in their place. Then everything happened and I let them beat me and make our lives hell. I know it sounds stupid, they aren't even alive for peat sake, but I know they are watching over me.

"We'll be here when you get back if you need us," Christen says hugging me tightly, Tobin just nods her head sending me a reassuring smile.

I head outside to Katie who's already waiting in the car for me. I climb into the front seat and buckle in, wiping my palm on my jeans trying to get rid of some of the sweat.

"I'll be here the whole time, you don't have to do it alone this time," Katie says placing her hand on my lap.

The drive is about an hour and a half long so I decide to have a sleep in this time, hopefully calming my nerves a little.

- - - -

"Wake up Hayley, we are here," Katie says shaking my shoulder a little. I slowly open my eyes and see we are by the entrance to the graveyard. I sit in my seat for a minute, rubbing my hands up and down my thighs in nervousness.

"You've got this" Katie says with confidence, I just nod my head trying to build up the courage to get out the car.

After a couple of seconds, I finally climb out, taking a deep breath as I walk through the entrance and towards their gravestones. Even though I haven't been in almost a decade I still know the way, walk straight until the large oak tree then turn left until willow tree on the right where my parents are buried right underneath.

Cementarys are meant to be creepy but I always found them to be so peaceful. You get to sit down and talk to people who are no longer with you, tell them how your day went or year depending on how often you visit. They may not be able to reply but having the feeling that someone is listening to you really helps, I know it helped me. If I found my day at school hard or the kids at the home were getting on my nerves I would come here and just talk to my parents. I know they are watching me right now so I decide to just talk to them.

"Hey guys, it's me, Hayley, I bet I look a little different than when I was last here." I start to sign, trying to collect my thoughts together.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited, I always thought you guys would be disappointed in me. I let my little brother grow up in a home with abusive parents, he had to watch me suffer almost every day and I was too weak to stop it. I've finally got almost everything I've dreamed of, friends who I can call family, playing soccer for one of the best clubs and I've actually been called up to the national team. Can you believe it guys, the US national team? My first training camp is in February and I am nervous but mostly excited, something tells me that it's going to change my life in more ways than one. I hope you guys are happy up there together, living a peaceful life just the two of you. I love you guys. Merry Christmas mom and dad." I finish saying, wiping away the stray tear. I carry on telling them about everything, how Ryder got into med school and we live in Lindon, how Steph kind of become another mom for me taking me under her wing, I told them about Gwen and how I call her my mom now too.

I sit there for a minute, my back resting against the tree as I stare at their gravestones, wondering what life could have been like if they were still around.