Her Knight

My Life

"Ryder hurry up eating, you're going to miss your train and I'm not driving you there" I sign to my brother who just looks at me and rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I know I'm just finishing now" Ryder replies, taking one last bite out of his toast before putting his dishes in the sink and grabbing his bag from the counter.

"Be safe, I love you" I sign to him as he's about to leave our apartment door.

"I will Hayley, please do something today even if it's just a walk around the park I don't want you moping around the house when I'm not around," Ryder says to me with a serious look on his face.

"I was planning on kicking a ball around the field anyway, you know it helps me forget" I sign back in response, Ryder shakes his head a little and comes over to me wrapping me up in his arms while his chin rests on the top of my head.

"I know this day is tough for you and I wish I didn't have to go to school so I could spend it here with you" I hear Ryder mumble from above me. I take a step back so I can look at him in the eyes

"No you need to go to school, I will be fine here okay I call you at lunchtime if you want," I say signing to him, he doesn't reply but nods his head in response

"Now get your butt out that door before I kick it out myself," I say pushing him away from myself a little, a small smile spreads across his lips as he opens the front door.

"I love you big sis, please text me today," Ryder says before he shuts the door leaving me standing in our apartment lost on what to do. I walk towards the couch and flop down, closing my eyes and reflecting on the date today.

25th September 2015.

Exactly 12 years ago today we lost almost everything and we've only got each other now. If you hadn't have guessed by now, Ryder is my younger brother, 6 years younger to be exact and I'm officially his guardian even though some days it feels like he's mine but legally the paperwork says he's under my care.

We currently live together in a nice apartment outside of Cambridge University where Ryder is studying Neuroscience on a scholarship. Yes, that means we are in England even though we grew up in the US together I decided to move with my brother when he got offered a place here.

I don't really have a job, to be honest, but that doesn't mean I don't have money, I've got a lot, maybe too much in fact so I spend most of my free time at the local homeless shelter down the street just helping out around the place, making sure it all runs smoothly and that kind of stuff. But, most my time is spent playing soccer, sorry, football as it's known over here.

I joined the local women's team here in Cambridge and over the year I've played with them, somehow, I ended up becoming captain and I love it. The ladies and the coach I play with are all great and they have really become my close friends. I didn't have many back home, they only focused on what was wrong with me and not the person that I am on the inside. Here they are different, they respect me as a player and an individual.

I decided to stop wallowing in my self-pity and actually do something productive today. I get off the couch and head towards my bedroom so I can take a shower and hopefully freshen up a little. I set up my phone to the speaker and play my music while I strip my clothes off and put them in the basket to be washed later.

I stand in the shower and turn it on, letting the warm water run over my body while the music fills my ears helping relax me. I look down at my body and see the scar that runs from my side and up around my back towards the top of my shoulder. I let my fingers touch the raised skin and think about the day it happened, all the pain that I felt both physically and mentally, I was a 13-year-old girl trying to stay strong for her 7 years old brother and it was hard because while he was coming to terms with the accident and moving on I was just blocking it all off trying to forget and it made me ill, so ill that I eventually ended up in hospital when I was 15 due to anxiety, depression and anorexia.