A/N So, I was in a bit of an angst-y mood tonight so this is what came out of that. This is a song fic, written to Girl Crush by Little Big Town. I wrote this as though Sherlock had written a letter to John after he killed Magnussen and was being sent off on that mission by Mycroft. Basically, Sherlock is jealous of Mary and wants to be her. I'm not 100% happy with this but figured I would post it anyways. It's kind of a strange format for me. Enjoy <3
I knew the day I saw her, that I was done for. She was just there, suddenly thrust into my life with no warning at all. How could one woman change everything with a single glance? She is perfect, kind and understanding. She looks at me like she knows what I am going through, and who knows, perhaps she does.
I got a girl crush
Hate to admit it but
I got a heart rush
Ain't slowing down
She hurts my very soul, and she has never said a negative thing to me. I don't feel this way, I never have. I only ever let myself feel for one person before, so where did these feelings come from? Every time I see her I can feel my pulse increase and stop at the same time. Why can't I just stop the hurting?
I got it real bad
Want everything she has
That smile and that midnight laugh
She's giving you now
She is everything I wish I could be. She has everything I have wanted for so long, and she knows it. Why can't I just be her?
I want to taste her lips
Yeah, 'cause they taste like you
I dream about what it would be like to kiss her, just to taste you on her lips. I can't kiss you, so that would be my only option.
I want to drown myself
In a bottle of her perfume
You always say that you love how she smells. Would you love me as much as you love her if I smelled like she does? Would it make a difference?
I want her long blonde hair
I want her magic touch
What if I replaced my dark curls for her blonde locks? Would you care then? What if I had her fingers? The ones that I know drive you crazy in the night. Would you love me then?
Yeah, 'cause maybe then
You'd want me just as much
Would you choose me if I were more like her, perfect, pale and blonde? I know you love her, so I will love her to.
I got a girl crush
I don't get no sleep
I don't get no peace
All I can think about is her; it keeps me awake at night. I can hear her taunting me with that lovely voice.
Thinking about her
Under your bed sheets
I want to be where she is, curled up against you. I want to feel you breathe against my skin, to feel your hands on me as we slumber. I want to feel you shut down my mind; turn my brain off with nothing but your touch, your words.
The way that she's whispering
The way that she's pulling you in
I want to be the one to whisper sweet nothings in your ear as you fall asleep. I want to be the one that catches your attention, the one that draws you in and traps you in my eyes.
Lord knows I've tried,
I can't get her off my mind
I want her out of my head; she takes up too much space. I want to be the one dancing with you. I should be the one standing up there with you, showing the world how much I love you.
I want to taste her lips
Yeah, 'cause they taste like you
I whispered those words along with you, did you hear me? Those two little words that would have made our futures so much brighter; and she got to share them with you.
I want to drown myself
In a bottle of her perfume
I know I left the wedding early; I just couldn't do it anymore. The pain was just too much, seeing you so happy, holding her in your arms. I want to be her more than anything; I want to be the one in your arms, on the receiving end of your love.
I want her long blonde hair
I want her magic touch
I know I am not going to see you again, so I hope you find this letter one day. I know I shouldn't do this to you, but I have no choice. You need to be with her, you deserve so much more than anything I could ever give you.
Yeah, 'cause maybe then
You'd want me just as much
I got a girl crush
I should have told you years ago, but then again, it wouldn't have made a difference.
Hate to admit it but
I got a heart rush
It ain't slowing down
Maybe one day I can let go. But if these are the last words you ever see or hear of mine, I just want you to know what has plagued me for so many years.
I love you John Watson, but you chose her.
Goodbye.
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