KIBA ; STRAY KIDS

21 ; KIBA

Blueprint music video was easy to film. Acting like nothing happened between Seungmin and I was harder. I think some of the members were beginning to notice but I just ignored any stares I got. I ignored them when we were in interviews and promotions, any stare felt judging.

So here I was, alone in the studio. I was writing for a small project which I hadn't told anyone about. A solo album - it was made clear by JYP that I could work on solo projects if I wanted to and now, I had some inspiration.

I wanted to base the album on feeling angry and lost about how to be myself. Using my feelings and thoughts was always a good inspiration and this whole situation was eating me up. Writing lyrics based on how homophobia and hiding myself has affected me, made me feel lonely. How I don't fit in to the social life in Korea, or how I don't fit in to KPOP.

I had 3 songs half written already and titled too. I figured for a small album, I was going to make the titles of each song make one English sentence. The first song was called 'Lost'. The second song was called 'In' and finally, the last song was titled, 'Blatant'.

Lost In Blatant Homophobia. It's Hard To Not Hide Myself.

An album made up of 10 songs. I guess in a way, it's like a 2nd coming out for me. As it's a solo album being written and produced by me, and it'll be posted on my personal Youtube Channel, it doesnt need approved by JYPE.

I decided to take a small break from writing. I grabbed my phone and decided to check out the opinions on God's Menu. It had been a few weeks now that it's been public, and surprisingly it had already surpassed 50 million views. I smiled at the hard work of everyone, and I liked that my introduction as a Stray Kid was being perceived well. I scrolled through some comments.

@HeySKZCODE: Wow! The boys always come back with bangers! Really enjoyed seeing the new member in his element too!

@HanandChannie: THANKS FOR THIS AMAZING SONG!

@KIBASWAIST: It's so nice to see Kiba being treated fairly now! I'm so impressed with his writing skills!

I think people were liking me! Reading Stays comments about me and about the hard work we put in is always so refreshing. It always pushes me to write more, and I love the fact that audiences all around the world can happily perceive our music. I scrolled some more.

@Justastay: Kiba is so refreshing for this group! Their music has upgraded!

@BritishHan: Kiba seems like such a complex character from the interviews I've seen him in!

Suddenly the door to the studio opened, and in walked Chan, and someone else. Chan stopped short when he seen me and I smiled awkwardly, trying to seem polite in front of the stranger. I looked at him, he had dark blonde hair.

"Sorry Kiba, have you seen the blue and black headphones around here?" Chan asked and I stood up to help him look for them. I found them hiding by the monitor which was on, and displaying the songs I've been trying to make but I'm not the best producer. I gave them to him and we bowed as both of them exited the room. 

I sighed and got back to writing the rest of the 3 songs. Seungmin and my lonely anger as my muse.

----

My bed was looking so good right now. I stood at the end of my bed, drying my hair with a towel. I was just going to let it air dry tonight since we don't have anything in the schedule for the next few days. Starting from tomorrow, it was the week where most of the members were going home to see families and vlogging their time. The two Aussies and myself were just going to vlog together since we cant go home.

I walked out of my room and into the kitchen to see Minho who was cooking our food once again.

"Minho-ah." I teased casually.

"I'll burn you." He teased back and I laughed as I rested my head on his shoulder and watched in cook the chicken and the vegetables. I always liked this with Minho.

"How did you learn to cook?" I asked suddenly, I was just curious because I'm not the best at cooking even though I lived alone for 3 years.

"My grandma." He answered and we shuffled across the kitchen together to get plates ready, "I cook for her a lot when I visit her."

"Ah. That's nice. I tried to learn when I lived alone but I'm still not the best." I mumbled on his shoulder and he nodded, concentrating.

"You just need to practise. It'll start to come to you easier." He too mumbled and I nodded. I did need to practise - sadly, I wont have Minho to cook for me all the time.

Food was ready. I called the rest of the members who were all home, and we sat in the kitchen. We thanked Minho for the food, and started eating. Throughout I could feel some eyes on me, but I didn't know who it was but as usual, I ignored them and continued talking to Han and Minho.

The food was delicious, and I washed my bowl quickly before leaving the kitchen for my bedroom. I was ready to get into bed comfortably but seems someone also had the same idea. I saw his blondish hair peeking out from the top of my covers and knew it was Seungmin.

"Get out." I said as I pulled the covers down and away from his face. He chuckled, and as cute as it was, I'm angry with him, "Out."

He stopped smiling when he realised I wasn't joking, "I wanna talk to you. Close the door."

I rolled my eyes, let go of the covers and closed my bedroom door so no one would bother us. I wasn't particularly excited for this talk, after all I do hate confrontation. However, I did as Seungmin said and sat down beside him on my bed. He looked tired, and serious.

"I guess, I should start with an apology." He sighed, "It took me long to realise as well so I'm sorry for that too."

"Realise what?" I questioned.

"That your Bisexual. I did some research after what you said at the beach and there's a super old clip of yours when you were a trainee saying you were Bi." Seungmin said, "I didn't realise how mean it was to say what I said in the elevator."

"Mmmh Okay." I nodded and I couldn't make eye contact with him now he knew. 

"Look Kiba, you don't have to hide who you like. It's completely okay and I'm sorry for being insensitive." Seungmin said quietly, "Also, I said what I said because I don't really know myself either."

I turned to him, I could see his fingers fiddling with the ring on his pinkie. I could sense the heat of nervousness in the room and I looked at his ears which were a bright red.

"What?"

"I got nervous around you and when you said 'Lets Kiss' I kind of freaked out." Seungmin admitted.

Oh. 

"So you lashed out?" I questioned. I guess...I can't blame him. I was like that when my parents suspected I was gay - lash out and act 'not gay' but I couldn't hide it forever and I refuse to be like my parents.

"Yes. I'm sorry." 

"It's okay. As long as you learn from it." I shrugged.

"I will."

I finally made eye contact with him, his ears and eyes were tainted red from embarrassment. I smiled softly, glad at this awkwardness was finally gone, and the anger from before was cooling down with every glance over his skin. He smiled back, reached out and grabbed my pinkie. I looked down at our fingers - was everything between us real then?

"Maybe..." Seungmin started, "Maybe you can join me during the break? You can be apart of my vlog."

I smiled - a change of plans.