Take it as a story and read it out, ok? You'll like the ending.
I know you don't want to read any author's notes but I had to write this for some chit chat.
Firstly, thank you for the love and support you've given to Vamprel and my other stories, I'm thankful to all of you for your kind words that drive me to work harder in my real life and for the things I'm passionate about!
Secondly, I'm sorry it's been 3 years already. I've done so little and the story's progress is really slow but I'm going to end it soon cause I've been testing your patience for too long.
Thirdly, I have an advice for all of you guys. It's from someone who had the same tough time in her high school and college years.
Trust me, I struggled countless times in those days, I hated myself for not being able to beat and take the first position. I was an overall A+ student, we were nearly 11 people in our whole college of the same year who maintained the highest scores. I was gifted so I didn't have to work too hard. I would open the book a day before exam and made it to top 5. It sucked for me, even then...why? Cause ever since I was a kid, I was always number 1. No one in the whole school could cross my percentage. But due to my outstanding performance, my dad made me skip a grade and that's when my downfall started. I hated this sudden change and I took a revenge on my parents by losing my position. Once I did, I ended up in never being able to get to it. The kids around me were all grown up, they were smarter and clever, I was already the youngest one in my previous class and now when I was a grade ahead of my age, I was literally the youngest.
There were some pretty hard days for me, trying to stay in the top 11. But then I realized that I'm way too smart for kids even an year or two older than me and didn't bother much with my grades. That behavior ended up making me the 11th person out of those top 11. It might not sound much but my dad's the type of person who didn't accept any position except for 1st. That was why I used to top before and as a revenge I dropped my grades. From A+++ I went to A+ or B+ and even B.
A lot of you might think it's nothing big to fuss about, but for me it was. The constant nagging, comparing and the endless struggle to watch others take away what I did in fact do some efforts for...it started to eat me up. I did work hard but my hard work wasn't enough to move me to the first place.
I lost track of what life was and dissolved into the world of studies, it took me by surprise when I realized that I had lost all good skills except for studying.
"You'll be happy if you get good grades!" was what everyone told me. My best friend was 3rd/11 and I was 6th/11 even after all that hard work.
And the pressure from my family combined with all of that meaningless competition ended up in giving me a board result I didn't expect.
Everyone got disappointed in me, it shocked me to the core. I started overthinking and then I ended up in doing something awful for myself.
I was in 10th grade, one of my term exams had ended recently. My result was 7th. It shook me cause I saw how disappointed everyone was in me. That shining child just vanished from their story. Everyone was happy but my parents weren't. I cried and tried again and again but I never managed to cross this line, I was one step behind. There were noises in my head that kept me up all night long.
I didn't want to face anything, so I did it. I tried to attempt suicide.
It's easier told than what it was back then, I didn't see a way out of this cycle. "Everyone's so far ahead of you!" These words kept me awake for countless nights. I don't think I've told too many people before, but I did attempt it to finish myself off once.
Well the funny side of this story is that the pills I took in such a large amount weren't too harmful. I woke up after a 25 hours nap. Didn't anyone notice? Well I was always a heavy sleeper so they didn't notice it that I was missing for more than 20 hours. Due to my depression, I had developed a habit of sleeping up to 14 hours normally.
But when I woke up, I was the happiest person on earth. I was thankful to Allah for not killing me for this foolish thing. I dragged my depression out of myself and gave myself a pat. "This isn't going to work you asshole!"is what I told myself and I worked my butt off.
Conclusion : did I make it? Yes, I made it. How? I made it because I believed in myself and my creator. I'm a very religious person, I am a Muslim so I sorta have an undying faith in Allah. It's a Muslim thing so don't mind me. But I did get to my dream university guys :D.
It wasn't easy, it never is...but the ending was beautiful ❤️. Looking back to those days, I miss that time. Life is so easier back then, I want you all to realize it as well. Every day is a competition but every day you wake up, you're a fighter and you need to fight the world, you've been given a chance so don't waste it.
These things will pass away guys. It was not right to attempt suicide, it never is. No matter how tough life gets, just don't give up. Don't let them win, even when you're beaten up on the ground with not a single breath to spare and fight back, still struggle with that one breath you have and face everyone head on.
It's your story and they're all living in it, don't end it like that. You never know what awaits you in the afterlife. Also as a Muslim it's not allowed for us to suicide XP that meant I was in for a Doom.
Also my dad had his reasons to be strict. He came from a small family and worked hard to achieve his place. He's also in the military so you might know how they are, always strict about rules and studies. But he did not force me to study too much after some time since I was sorta not a patient of leukemia but the doctors predicted I might be. No, I'm not a cancer patient, dw.
I have a complicated case of anemia, since I already have a kidney issue, this brought my parents to the point they stopped pressuring me for studies. Also since I did stay a suspect for leukemia for more than 12 days LMAOOO I WAS TREATED LIKE A PRINCESS FOR THOSE 12 DAYS! then my siblings made me do their chores since it wasn't too bad. 😐😐😐😐😂😎
Lmao, so lastly...I am writing a story for you guys, I'll publish it after I end Vamprel and IWDMB.
Here's the book cover so far, it might change though. Expect it to be an amazing one! CHEER UP!
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