What You Caused

64.

**not edited**

Chapter 64 | Icing

Isabella:

It has been two months since new years and I have slowly begun easing back into my plan on 'getting back on track'. It has been a struggle, I'll be honest with you, but I'm getting there and I'm determined not to give up.

The first week of January had surprisingly been good, probably because I had been the most motivated having it been the first week of the new year and all, and I had managed to eat one full meal a day, 4 days in a row.

The second, third and fourth week however, hadn't been as great. I had only managed 1 day each week which plummeted my mood significantly but that hadn't lasted long. Mia, Grace, my family and Lucas refused to let me wallow and had been quick to remind me that I was still doing well and that 1 day was still progress regardless of how little I thought it was.

Then by the first and second week of February, I had managed 2 days and by the third and fourth, I had managed another 4. Although to me it still didn't feel like enough, I was still somewhat proud for what I had achieved. Anything was better than how I had been those last couple of weeks of December.

Since the new years, I had also fallen into an odd daily routine in regard to my other resolutions.

Fixing my sleep schedule turned out to be harder than I thought it would have been, I still found myself going to bed at 1 am at the earliest but regardless every morning, no matter if it was the weekend, Lucas would call me at 6 am sharp to make sure that my ass got out of bed and to make sure that I wouldn't sleep in until I had 10 minuets to get ready for school or until it was 4pm on Saturday and Sunday.

He was persistent I'll tell you that because often enough I would decline the calls but Lucas would still continue ringing and ringing and ringing until I picked up and would continue to be relentless until I tugged my curtains open and physically showed him that I was out of bed by looking at him through my window.

Lucas would greet me with a wave and a cheesy ass motivational poster stuck to his window frame and I would return with a middle finger and a sign telling him to fuck off. It was sweet really.

I honestly felt bad that Lucas had to endure with grouchy morning me but I don't think he seemed to mind because even after mumbling obscenities to him on the phone and then further mouthing them through the window, he would still be there to remind me to stand in front of the mirror and recite affirmations to myself which he had researched and found was supposed to help with 'self love' or some shit like that and also remind me to mediate and journal to help clear my head.

I had been reluctant at first with doing the whole affirmations thingy because I thought it was a little corny but Lucas, of course, was adamant that I should continue and honestly, I think it was working, I mean it's too early to know but as of recently I haven't felt like punching the mirror every time I look at it so that's something.

Another part of that new and odd daily routine, that yet again somehow includes Lucas, had been receiving little handwritten notes from Lucas everyday. It had started off that night in the balcony on new years, where the note he had given me had been a simple:

hi izzy, happy new years beautiful :) you look really stunning today. that dress looks really pretty on you and your hair looks really nice curled.

seeing you smile so much tonight when we were all talking in the kitchen made my heart warm and when you were laughing, i swear i couldn't take my eyes off of you. your laughter is literally so infectious and i absolutely love how you slap your knee and sometimes even snort when something is really funny. i love even more how after you snort you then pause and look around and to see if anyone heard you and hope no one did before resuming on your laughter again (don't worry i notice when you snort when you laugh and i think it's really fucking cute ;))