The Days With No Sun

Happiness And Trust

So used to your happiness I forgot to feel I missed my life thinking you would be mad but I like to think you still loved me all along I wished for a stronger voice the night I saw that shooting star but ended up without one I needed to feel again so I got a fiery evil to take me out not knowing what to do I realized I ended up hurting you I want to wake up without pain without hurting both of us like this I want to be able to sleep without dreams that haunt me for weeks I wish I could sleep at all at night it gets quiet I can't breath without you I should have listened to my head and not my heart I should have believed in us the way I did in the beginning but I assumed there was an end to us at some point i broke our trust the original bond we shared and now nothing feeld the same I feel like I have alot to hide like I can't tell the truth because it's wrong or bad I listen to every song that reminds me of us of you because I want to remember what we where like back then what used to be the old feelings that no longer seem the same I wish this was different that I could remember us before the madness before I broke my own heart trying to love you differently I forgot my own happiness in you i shouldn't have tried to find it in anything but you I  could have done better but I settled for less then you and myself I ended up hurting not only you but others who got caught in the crossfire I can't get them back to trust the same either I've caused so many problems because my heart and my head dont know how to connect the way they should I mixed up my feelings with validation my self-esteem with ego boosting if I asked you if you loved me the same way you did when we started the way you loved me now what would your answer be if you trusted me the same if you believed in me the same if you saw me how I was then now would you be the same I dont love you any less its just a different love now we got so routine we just don't feel the same way I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing anymore but I know its not what I remember about us and I can't help but feel a certian pain about it I don't like this kind of different I want to go back to how it used to be but that's too much to ask of you now I don't want to lose you again and again because I can't figure out what too feel I want you to trust me again to believe in me the same I want you to change for you but also cause I need a change without losing you again without having to ask or tell you something is wrong every time I know your trying harder now just to make me happier but are you happy with the change when will you understand it's not material things I need all I've asked is your time not money it can be nice to have at times but it's not needed I need you more then anything anymore I caused you sooo much pain because I was in pain by so many other things that had nothing yet everything to do with you I want to take it all back and yet not at all because it drove us closer it's a mixed feeling but it's a feeling and I'm sorry my mind can't comprehend how this all goes nothing is ever strong enough or good enough for me to handle and I wish you didnt get hurt this way and I have no one but you to talk to about this anymore I've never been more alone with you or anyone I've never felt more empty I'm so sorry this keeps happening to you to us.