The Days With No Sun

Wishes

I wish I could turn back time. Go back to Barbie dolls and Littlest Petshops with the magnets under them. Back to when I knew what was going on and didn't have to worry about it. I wish I could just be a kid again. Growing up sucks ass. I wish I could be 8 again. Or 5. Or 3. I wish I was younger and we didn't have to be guided by a man who doesn't know what the hell he's doing most the time. I wish my mom was strong again. I wish I was strong again. I wish I could go back to where I was before all the bullshit. Before life got 10× more complicated then it needs to be. I shouldn't have to move every year. I shouldn't have my name on the power bill. I shouldn't be staying home watching kids. There is so much I shouldn't be doing but if I didn't do it no one would and we would be back to the bullshit again. I shouldn't have to call the police every time something goes horribly wrong. When my mother gets abused. By my 15 year old sister or my uncle. By the drug addicts. She shouldn't be having a beer every day. There is a 2 year old in the house. Her 2 year old. She shouldn't be caught in between the fights. She shouldn't have to see that. No one should. I was in her spot when I was her age until I was about 5 or 6 when my father did it to her. Abuse is no joke. Mentally and physically. I can't stand my father still and he's been in prison for 5 years now might even be out soon but he's been in and out of my life since I was 5. He use to buy my love with toys and shoes the newest pair of jordans everytime he came to town. Which wasn't very often. I wish he wasn't such a dead beat. I wish most my family wasn't a bunch of drunks or druggies. I wish I could fix this. I wish I was gone. I wish I was never born. I wish people would just leave me alone. But then I wish no one would leave me. I wish I wasn't selfish but can you blame me? Always been a relatively good kid. I just can never be around good people it seems. I love helping people. But I wish someone would help me. I wish I wasn't so lost all the time. I wish I wasn't so negative. I wish I was happier. I wish I wasn't depressed. I wish... I wish I could live a normal life again.