In Your Arms

Chap. 26: What Scares You?

(Picture of Katie Morgan Above)
*Katie's POV*

    

             I can't control my gleefulness as Chris and I sit on his couch. He stares at me with a curious smile.
            "So? What's the big news?" Chris's hand holds mine.
           "This book publishing company called Blue Reads Company called and offered me a desk work job!" I squeal happily, bouncing in my seat.
"Really?" Chris has stars in those blue eyes of his, he gives me a small smile. "Wow. That's great, Katie."
"I know right! This is another step into book publishing industry! I'll be right smack dab in the middle of it all!" I can't help myself, I squeal with joy.
I wrap my arms around Chris's neck, pressing my lips to his. WHOA! Chris quickly deepens the kiss, lightly groaning as he kisses me hard. I let my hand slowly rub down his chest. And then I'm on my back and Chris is on top of me. My breath hitches as his lips attach to my neck, his hands holding onto my waist. I let out a soft sigh as his body shifts between my thighs. The hairs on my arm and the back of my neck stand up when his hands touch my bare skin as his hands cautiously feel under my shirt. God, I want him to go farther. I really do, but I know I'm not ready.
I put my hand on Chris's chest, stopping him. He looks up at me confused. When I look away, I can feel his face bury into my shirt. He's nodding his head.
"I know I've ask you before, but what scares you?" Chris looks back up at me, "Are you afraid I'll do something you won't like or that it'll hurt—"
"No, no." I say sadly, "I just don't want to give it away just yet. I have to know in my gut that I'm ready. I want it to be special and I want it to be with the person who I want to be with for the rest of my life. I know it sounds old-fashioned or a cliché."
Chris shakes his head at me, his blue eyes soft. "It's not cliché. It's sweet, like you are."
I open my mouth when I know I should just drop it. "Where would I put my hands? What if I make a weird sound? What if I'm not good enough for another try? What if I grab you in the wrong place? Or what if I pee or fart or burp or crap in the middle of it all and embarrass myself and ruin everything!" I let out a shaky breath, my eyes tearing up, "I just don't think I could recover from that embarrassment. It would—it would ruin my self-esteem even more."
Chris gives me a soft look. "Katie, you're overthinking and predetermining that it'll go wrong. You can't do that, Honey. And I don't think you could do anything wrong. Men like just about anything and so it doesn't take much to really make us happy. And so what if you do make any—sounds? Or you burp, fart, bleed or shit all over the bed—that'll be okay. We can work through it. It's scary and nerve wracking the first time. And there's nothing you could do to make me believe any different."
My heart swells, causing a sharp pain in my chest. He lifts my hoodie, revealing my bare stomach, he kisses my soft skin. I can't help but run a hand over his slicked back hair.
"I just find it hard to believe that a gorgeous woman like yourself hasn't even been properly kisses until now." Chris kisses my stomach once more before covering it back up. "Listen, I'm not pressuring you to have sex with me. Take ALL the time you need. But I want you to understand that you don't have to be scared to get close with me. You will always be safe with me."
Chris kisses my forehead gently. His big, warm hands holding my face as he kisses me tenderly. I hold onto his wrist softly.
"Whenever you're ready, I'll be available to you." He kisses my lips softly, sitting back up.
"Why are you so—" I try to think of the right word for it, "so gentle?"
Chris sighs, crossing his legs. "My mother taught me that if you treat a woman right, respect her for her heart, body, and mind, I'll pursue the right woman's heart at the right time."
I think about his words, biting my lip. "Is it the right time?"
Chris shrugs. "I don't know. I just don't know."