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ALL I DO. { irl }
on friday, the day before the hearing, niola met up with matt after school at the park. she told her father that she was here to see jamie – the name of her current fake boyfriend. since her father approves of 'jamie', he allowed them to meet at the park.
"how are you feeling?" niola asks matt as they walk along the sidewalk that outlines the entire park.
"how am i feeling?" matt repeats, shocked by her question. "you're the one who we should be talking about. are you nervous about testifying to the court tomorrow?"
"i'm asking about you because of what you texted me yesterday." niola explains. "you don't actually believe what you said, do you?"
matt just looks at her for a moment before shaking his head, "no. of course not."
"that's good." niola says. "i don't want you to doubt our relationship because this is honestly the best that's ever happened to me."
matt drapes an arm over her shoulders before pulling her against him. he places a kiss on the top of niola's head, making her laugh.
"are you hungry?" he asks. "i could buy you some ice cream from the shop down the street."
niola doesn't know what to say. her entire body is filled with so many nerves that she doesn't have much of an appetite. she doesn't want to admit it, but the thought of having to testify against her father makes her feel sick.
she knows that it's for the best and rayne will benefit from it, but she's never done anything like this before. niola has never stood up to him like this. and when she does, he responds with abuse.
but she's not only nervous about that. she's excited too.
she hasn't seen her mother since winter break – she managed to call out of work for christmas, but could only stay for about two hours. after that, she had to go back to her job.
niola loves her mom more than anything. when she was young, her mom was her idol. she looked up to her and wanted to be exactly like her mom when she grew up. but as time went on, niola found out the truth about her mom and realized that not everything in life is sugar and rainbows.
after finding out the truth, niola honestly felt even more inspired by her mom.
she was able to hide her pain so well that her daughter didn't find out until fifth grade. she gave her child the best life she could possibly provide under the circumstances.
"yeah, let's get some ice cream."
niola is glad that matt dropped the topic of tomorrow after she changed the subject over to him. but she still yearns for his comfort.
"what flavor?" the employee asks niola from behind the counter.
she looks up at the large menu hanging on the wall, reading the names of a hundred different flavors. but nothing calls out to her. if anything, the thought of eating anything makes her feel sick.
but she doesn't want matt to worry, so she smiles at the employee and says, "strawberry, please."
the man nods, grabbing a spoon and placing two scoops of strawberry ice cream into a large waffle cone. then he reaches across the counter and hands the dessert to her. niola takes it from him and smiles.
after matt orders his ice cream, he and niola walk outside and sit at one of the wooden picnic tables in front of the building.
"is this fine?" matt asks, adjusting the umbrella above the table. "like, do you want more or less shade?"
"i didn't ask you to change the shading," niola says between laughs, watching her boyfriend struggle with the umbrella sizing.
"and?" matt says.
"it's perfect how it is." niola answers.
matt sits back down in his seat and begins to eat his ice cream. he starts talking about random topics like how much he misses trevor. or how insanely good rayne is at hide-and-seek. or how bad chris is at it.
and as much as niola loves to listen to him talk, she can't seem to focus on anything other than the daunting task of finishing her ice cream – which seems simple and easy, but every bone in her body is screaming at the food. she hasn't eaten anything all day, but she feels as though she ate an entire buffet.
she looks forward at matt, noticing that he's already half-way done with his ice cream. he's still talking about whatever subject pops in his head. niola smiles at him before looking down at her own ice cream. it's starting to melt, the pink substance drooling down the cone and making her hand sticky.
matt follows her gaze and notices her uneaten ice cream. he looks back up at her and sees how stressed she looks.
"do you not like it?" matt asks despite already knowing that the ice cream isn't her problem. "i can buy you a different flavor if you'd prefer."
"no, the flavor is fine." niola says, grabbing a handful of napkins from the holder in the center of the table. she uses the towels to dry off her hand and wrap the cone with something to prevent any further messes.
matt doesn't understand what's wrong, but he can tell that something is plaguing her mind. he wishes he could help, but he knows that she must be uncomfortable about opening up about whatever her problem is – otherwise she would have already confided in him about it.
"do you want to go back to the park?" he suggests, remembering that she seemed to be more at ease in the outdoor atmosphere compared to how she is now.
"no, it's fine." she says, taking a bite of her ice cream. but as soon as she does, matt notices how forced the action was.
"you don't have to make yourself eat it, if you don't want to." matt says. "i'll eat it for you if you're not hungry."
niola immediately feels guilty. she shouldn't have agreed to getting ice cream when she knew she wouldn't eat it. she made matt pay for something that's just gonna go to waste.
how did mom always do it? niola asks herself, looking down at the table and feeling tears prick her eyes. how did she cover everything up so perfectly? and why can't i seem to do the same thing without making matt worry about me?
i don't want him to worry. i don't want him to see me upset. i just want to have the perfect date. like he deserves.
"niola?" matt says, snapping her out of her thoughts. "what's wrong?"
"nothing, i'm fine." niola lies, wiping her wet eyes. the fact that he just asked her what's wrong makes her feel even worse.
what's wrong with her? why can't she be like her mom?
.∘◦❀◦∘. a/n : can't wait for u guys to meet the momma ◦∘.❀.∘◦
