Afternoons

not today

"Move! I said- move! Now!" She probably shoved someone out of the way. Her grunting told me so.

I pick up my pace and walk faster. Then I hear her footsteps getting faster as well, she was running.

"Wait! Please...hold on," I hear her gasping for air.

I wasn't going to turn around but then I actually heard that her footsteps stopped and she was breathing pretty hard. I turn around and see Zoe bending forwards with her hands on her knees. I approach her and set my backpack down. I kneel in front of her. I listen carefully, she was wheezing. Like if it got difficult for her to breathe.

"Hey, hey. Let's go to the nurse," I say softly as I take ahold of her hand.

Zoe shakes her head and doesn't attempt to move. She continues to try to catch her breath. I have no idea what to do. I'm panicking, I want to help her.

"Are you sure?" I ask concerned.

I noticed that some people had their heads turned, looking at what was going on. I wanted to tell them to fuck off but I didn't. I was more concerned for my friend.
A teacher spotted us and approached us.

"Is she okay? Are you hurt? What's going on?" She threw questions at us as if they could all be answered all at one time.

"I'm alright. I'm fine," Zoe breathed out. She didn't sound fine to me at all.

The teacher gave me a look. I only shrugged.

"Okay then. Be careful," The teacher then left.

I stood up and Zoe did as well. Her breathing settled back to a normal pace but she still didn't sound right. And that's scared me.
A lot.

"Zoe...are you sure-"

She cut me off. "I'm fine, Alexina," she snapped.

I was caught off guard. It felt...like a punch to the stomach. I hate that feeling.
I stood quiet and continued to hold onto her hand. We walked side by side quietly, with me being her support. We arrived to her class. Instead of a kiss to her cheek, today, I kissed her hands.
I was breaking the routine that we have kept going for 4 years.
I let her hands go slowly and she looked down at the ground. She looked sad, her whole face showed it. I wanted to do anything possible to make her happy at this moment. I would do anything just to make her smile right now.

I saw her walk inside and I still stood outside the classroom looking at her. She was walking slowly, without any motivation.
I was hesitant at first but I forced myself to go inside. I walked up to Zoe and hugged her. She was stiff at first but then she hugged me back.

"I love you so much, okay? I always will," I whisper to her as I hold her tightly.

I hear her sniff and I hold her at arms length. She was tearing up. Luckily kids were on their phones as always. I wipe her eyes and then I actually lean in and kiss her cheek.

She gives me a small, sad smile. That had to do it. I don't think I would get a more joyful reaction after this one.

I left the classroom and walked towards my first class, quickly. I had less than two minutes left.

The whole day I was thinking of Zoe. She didn't leave my mind. I was worried for her. I just wanted to run out the class and go find her.
I'm currently in my 3rd period class. We had 15 minutes left until we were dismissed. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.
I pull out my phone and I see a text from Zoe.

My baby Zoe: my mom picked me up early so I won't see you next class :(

From me: okay baby. Keep me updated, stay safe. I love you..

Well, fuck.
I won't see her. I want to cry. I want to be beside her right now.
I walk slowly into my last class. I slump into my chair. Just as the bell rang, my girlfriend came rushing inside. I couldn't help but smile just a little bit.

She sits beside me with a huff. "Hey, baby."

"Hey, sweetheart," I say with a small smile. It was forced, very much forced and she noticed.

"What's wrong and don't say nothing."

"I'll tell you later, yeah?" I say as I grab her hand.

She nods. "Sure."

"Where's Zoe?" Eleanor asks as she looks around me to the empty seat.

"She had to go home early..." I breathe out. Jesus, I've never felt so down. It's like a part of me has been ripped away, somehow. The thing is, Zoe didn't show up to class and now I'm sad.
No. That's not how this is. I know Zoe has a heart condition. I have a feeling that the reason why she is like this now is because of this condition. And that's why I'm scared. Because she can be taken away from me at any moment now. And that's why I want to be by her side now.

"Why? Is she okay?" Eleanor asks worried.

I don't know.

"Yeah, she's fine," I brush it like if I wasn't screaming in my head at the moment.

After I said that, I didn't speak again for the rest of the class. I didn't feel like speaking about anything. I just didn't feel like doing anything, if I have to be honest.
When the bell rang I didn't rush out like I usually would. I took my time to pack my things. Eleanor stayed behind with me. She didn't speak, she only took my hand, gave it a kiss and we both walked out silently.

I went to drop my stuff at home and then lazily went to go pick up Caricia. For once, I didn't want to go pick her up.
When I arrived I didn't bother listening to music. And when I heard the sound of leaves crunching, the sound that I love to hear because it means that my girl has arrived, I didn't turn around to see her.

Eleanor came to stand next to me without speaking. From the corner of my eye I could see her wanting to take my hand.

"Take it," I say softly.

She looks at me and I side glance at her. She finally takes my hand and stands a bit closer. We wait for our sisters silently.
I see them from afar after a few minutes. Once they approach us we let go of each other's hands.

"Hey, Alexina!" Caricia waves as she runs towards me.

I didn't really feel like talking to her but I did anyways. "Hey."

She stops in front of me and looks at me. She did a weird face before looking at Eleanor. I see that Eleanor smiles at my sister. Caricia takes my hand and we leave towards my bike.

When we got home I went straight into the kitchen. The kids still weren't home yet, only Galiana who was sitting on the couch. I cooked something simple since I didn't feel like doing something complex. I just didn't feel it.

Not today.