Afternoons

big deal

"Girlfriends? You never told me you were into...women," I turn to face my mom.

She shrugged. "Girls...back then, women now. I don't see why make a big deal out of it. I just came here because I wanted to invite you to dinner at my house."

Oh..so just casually change the topic when I found out something big. But she is right, why make such a big deal out of it?

Eleanor's mom shakes her head with a smile. "You haven't changed much, Carmen."

"You could say that," my mom says.

I look between both moms. This is driving insane.

"Soooo...who was top?" Keva asks.

Eleanor slaps her sister's arm.

"Lena."

"Carmen," they both answer at the same time.

They had no shame in saying. I want to be as confident in order to do that. As if.

"Carmen was the girly type of chick. Skirts, heels, strong red lipstick, sometimes dress pants like now."

"And lena...well leather, jeans-"

"What happened, mom?" Keva received another slap on the arm, this time by her mom.

"About my invitation," my mom starts off again.

I don't think I've ever heard my mom talk so casually. Or maybe I have and I just don't remember.

"We'll come. I nod to talk to my husband first."

My mom nods. "Good. It was nice seeing you again."

I feel my mom approach me from behind. "Who's Eleanor?" She whispers in my ear.

"The pretty one," I snicker.

"Then they are all Eleanor's."

I roll my eyes. I would've said something like, "you have a husband." But that doesn't matter to her. If it did then she wouldn't have cheated on my dad so many times.
But I have to keep that anger in for when the right time comes.

"The shortest one..." I finally breathe out.

"Hm."

10 minutes later we are in the car, heading towards the store. Apparently mom wants to eat something different today for dinner. I don't see the point because we practically eat something different everyday for dinner.
Breakfast is another story, along with lunch. I prepare both of those meals but then dinner...I don't. That meal, I force it onto the maids.

"How come you never told me?" I break the awkward silence in the car.

"About?" She is playing the role of a dumb ass.

"You know what," I push.

"We can be talking about many things in this situation-"

"About you being into women!"

My mom stays silent for a while. I hate that.
I hate that she can never have a full on conversation with me. I hate that we never talk as daughter and mother. I hate that we always hide stuff from each other.
I hate this type of relationship.

"It's just a topic I never wanted to make a big deal out of it. Why do you believe I never made a fuss about you being a lesbian? Because your sexuality isn't supposed to be something to make a big deal out of. Instead of people worrying about who loves who they should worry about problems like...pollution, or wars, world hunger, things like that. So what if I had a girlfriend in high school? Nothing special to it. I also had boyfriends why doesn't that surprise you?"

I think about it for a second. Another thing I hate...the fact that she is right a lot of times.

"Can I take this?" I ask, grabbing a box of chocolates.

"It has sugar," my mom states.

"Yeah..many things do. So can I take it?"

"It has a lot of sugar."

"So? Please?" I beg.

"What for? We have plenty of food at home," she pushes the shopping cart forward but I stand in her way, making her huff.

"Alex..." she warns.

"Please, Carmen?"

"Don't call me that," she gives me a pointed look.

"What else can I call you?" I question weirdly. "Can I please just take the chocolates?"

"Can you please just behave?" She mocks me.

I wanted to roll my eyes. I so very mucb did. I wanted to roll my eyes until the only color you could see was white.
But I contained myself.

"Fine," I mumble. I place the box of sweets back in their place and we continue shopping.

This is why I don't like shopping with my mom. Unfortunately I forgot my money at home. In past times when I forgot my money at home I always said if they could buy me whatever I wanted and then I'll pay them back. Yeah, no, I never paid anyone back. That's how I lost my privilege.

"You got them," I say as I take out the box of chocolates from the shopping bag.

We were currently helping the maids put the groceries away.

"I did."

"Thank you-"

"They aren't for you though," my mom cuts me off quickly.

What the hell? Seriously?! Oh my god. She has to be joking. She just has to! It's not that I want to cry out of frustration but I do.

"Oh come on!"

"Alex, this is the reason why you aren't getting any. You're 18 years old for crying out loud! You're acting like a child. The chocolates are for the guests-"

"I was getting them for Eleanor and Macy! They weren't for me, okay?" I finally yell.

I didn't want to yell. I didn't mean to because that was quite disrespectful on my part but this family can't understand unless you yell.

"You should've just said that," my mom says more calmly.

"Would that have really done something?"

She thinks about for a second. "No, not really."

"I'm going to my room." I dismiss myself and run up the stairs not caring if my mom was yelling warnings at me.

I slam my door shut and make sure to lock it this time.
I don't want any children in here. I let myself fall into the bed. The feeling of being back on my bed is incomparable.
I check my phone to see the time. 2:00 pm.

5 more hours to go.