saudade | levi ackerman

edited chapter six

the white walls reflected the sun causing you to squint, there wasn't much furniture in there, just a few beds, chairs and a table.  you could smell fresh sheets and medical equipment. 

"(y/n)?" a voice called, you looked around at your friends one by one  "(y/n), are you awake?" eren called again "clearly" you listened as jean spoke up, his hand was clasped around yours, he was sat the closest to you and eren on the other side of the bed.  you went to push yourself up before a shooting pain caused you to stop.  you looked down at your leg which was covered in bandage "try not to move" mikasa spoke, she was stood at the foot of your bed, armin, connie and sasha to her side. 

the pain was unbearable, your head was pounding and the bright light of the room didn't help.  "you're in the infirmary (y/n)" armin let you know, you smiled slightly at him "what happened?! who did this?" jean's voice was irate "no one did this, i slipped and the titan grabbed me, it was my own fault" your words were faint but audible "did anyone even try to help you?" jean again, his voice becoming more and more irritated with each word  "how else do you think she got back?" eren glared over at jean who stood and ran his fingers through his hair "well it's reckless and she shouldn't have had to do it" you looked up at him and tilted your head "i chose to" you patted the side next to you and he sat back down, seizing your hand again and gripping it tightly. 

"maybe we should let you get some rest?" connie queried and made his way out the room with sasha, mikasa and armin following.  "eren?" mikasa looked back from the door, he shook his head and she carried on out.  "don't tell me you care about her now? you've hardly spoken to her lately" jean glowered over at eren "(y/n) is my friend and i've known her longer than you, don't try and tell that i don't care" eren frowned and pushed himself up using the bed, his hands gripped the sheets near you "ahh" you exclaimed and touched your leg snapping the two men out of their enraged verbal fight before a physical one could even begin.  jean looked down at you, he's not stupid though, he could see you were holding the wrong leg. 

without a knock the door to the room swung open and a short dark figure stood in the doorway.  he walked over to you and stood at the foot of the bed, arms crossed.  his eyes were observant and instantly focussed on jean's hands clutching yours "captain" you, jean and eren looked over "you're meant to be resting" he took note of jean and eren and you nodded "i am, they were just visiting" you gave a gentle smile to both your friends and squeezed jean's hand a little.  "let's go.. the captains right, she needs more rest" jean stood and let go of your hand, he towered above levi as he saluted.  eren lent down beside you and placed his hand on your shoulder "by the way,  welcome to the squad (y/n)" he smiled and followed jean, levi waited for the door to close before he moved over to your side.

"you hurt your ankle when you fell, not sure if it's broken but the doctors put you on bed rest for a while" he pulled up a chair and sat down beside you, his one leg crossed over the other.  "did i say thank you? for saving me?" this time you managed to push yourself up the bed "yes, hange asked me to apologise on her behalf, she's currently out again trying to capture another titan" he crossed his arms and lent back into the chair "i don't know what she's apologising for, i agreed to it.  you're not with her? what if someone needs your help?" you took in a sharp breath as another shooting pain ran up your leg "they are capable of looking after themselves" his voice was deep and aloof.  you frowned at his words, confused, if they were capable then why weren't you?

levi's eyes wondered to your hand which lay by your side,  a deep healed scar ran diagonally across your palm.  it's always been there, you could never remember how it happened.  levi shifted in his chair and moved his leg down off the other, he picked your hand up in his.  your heart pounded, so much so that you were embarrassed thinking he might hear it.  a burning feeling spread rapidly in your chest.  desire? longing?  you felt almost sick with anxiety "a knife wound. a dagger?" he questioned as his eyes met yours.  you tried to talk, you wanted to answer but the words just wouldn't come out, your hands were trembling at his touch.  you nodded your head. "i think" you stuttered "i can't remember.." your voice was shaky, he must have noticed.  why did you react like this? you knew him as your unsympathetic and unwelcoming captain but he was holding your hand so tenderly as if it would break if he let go. 

you studied his hands, they were calloused but gentle and they seemed slender but strong.  his ran his pale finger across your scar and looked up at you  "how can you not remember? not everyone experiences a knife wound" he looked back to the scar.  it must have been painful and surely you would have remembered the situation as it wouldn't have been a day to day occurrence.  you took a deep breath and closed your eyes for a moment, trying to remember something, anything that it could have been.  your thoughts took you to that market again. what were you doing back there?  your eyes shot open as you remembered being shoved hard against a wall, you could almost feel the pain as your head hit the hard rough brick, the thought of a cold blade being held against your throat, it's jagged edges threatening to pierce your skin. 

levi noticed you twitch and set your hand back down by your side, his fingers slid over yours as he did  "i was in a market, i remembered being pushed against a wall and someone held a knife to my throat" you looked at him, surprised you had managed to remember so much. it's a strange memory to forget.  surely something like that you would have been easy to remember.  you could tell levi was confused too. 

there was a knock at the door and levi stood, pushing the chair back.  "come in" his voice had changed, more harsh than just moments ago.  the door  gradually opened revealing a tall well built figure, blonde hair and big bushy noticeable eyebrows, the right sleeve of his shirt was rolled and pinned up just below his shoulder.  commander.