saudade | levi ackerman

edited chapter one

saudade | a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; "the love that remains"

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laying in your bed, the sun streamed through the window which was slightly ajar, the cool morning air blowing through.  looking up, you lay in deep thought. 

how long had you been in the survey corps for now? what felt like forever. how many years?

it was what you wanted. all you ever wanted. to fight the titans and give humanity any change at surviving.  the expeditions though, they haunt you, which is why you're laying here, not having slept much that night, again.

you finally pulled yourself out of bed, grabbed your uniform and began to make your way to the food hall. 

"hey (y/n)" eren called as you walked in.  "hi everyone" you sat down at the table where eren, mikasa and armin were sat.  eren was immediately recognisable with big green eyes and short brown hair, mikasa was beautiful with dark black hair which fell perfectly over her face and armin was slight, with blonde hair and big blue eyes.  they were close friends even though you were slightly older, you all came from the same area and lost your parents when wall maria fell. 

"your hairs a mess" mikasa stated rather bluntly.  you sighed and tried to fix it.  "here" mikasa stood and was about to sort it out when you could hear footsteps sounding closer and closer until a cough broke the drone.  you squinted as you realised who it was.

"sit down and eat your food" the captain ordered, his cold voice was enough to send mikasa back to her seat.  the short dark haired man had a strange presence, as if the room darkened as he entered.  he made his way over the the longer table at the back of the room where a few higher ranked soldiers were sat. 

"try not to get caught next time mikasa!" eren scolded.  "mikasa was helping me eren" you defended.  eren looked down a little and carried on eating.  the captains presence could still be felt so you were all less talkative now.

eren finished eating and stood "i'm off, got some extra training to do today with Hange..". mikasa soon followed.  "are you ok (y/n)?" armin asked, his cheeks a light pink.  "i'm fine thank you armin, hey, are you still reading that book about the outside world?"  his smile grew bigger at your words.  "training isn't for another hour, let's go for a walk?" armin stood, his blonde hair draping over his face.  you stood and looked over to the table at the back of the hall. 

sat back in his chair, one leg rested on the other.  strands of his dark hair framing his face.  that strange way he holds his cup.  he watched as you walked out the hall with armin.

the sun glistened even more bright, you could feel the warmth on your face.  armin sat down underneath the shade of a tree and gestured to the empty space beside him. 

he opened his book and immediately turned to his favourite page.  you looked in awe, the bright blue water which was described as running for miles.  it was hard to believe of course but the thought itself was enough to put a smile on both your faces. 

another intrusive cough broke your silence and you both looked up from the book.  armin slammed the book shut and pushed it to the side.  you both stood straight and saluted.  "tch" an all too familiar sound. 

his grey eyes met yours, armin was almost shuddering with fear.  "captain" your voice was confident.  "you've been in the corps for a while now, correct?" he glanced at armin as if he was in the way and looked back at you.  "yes sir, quite a few years now" he nodded.  "meet me in my office (y/n), after your date with soldier arlert" his stoic expression was enough to send you pale.  armin made a slight noise, his face almost a bright red.

as the captain walked off armin let out a little squeal.  "it's not a date!" he mouthed as the captain was still in ear shot.  you smiled and nodded in agreement "i know" you reassured him.
how strange of the captain to use your first name. how strange that he wanted to see you.

"i want to see the ocean armin" you looked to your side where armin stood.  "me too (y/n)" he agreed as you both made your way over to training.

whilst everyone was getting on with their training you made your way to the captains office as he had instructed.  the halls were long, lit only by the natural light from the windows but the hall slowly became darker as you reached his office.  The hall which was just buzzing with noise was now silent as you knocked. 

"state your name and business" his voice echoed through the door.  "soldier (y/n), you asked to see me captain" you waited for his low pitched "come in".

you walked in and saluted your superior.  "sit" he stated bluntly, pointing to the chair in front of his desk.  you sat and looked over at him.  his uniform jacket was rested on the back on his chair.  he was sat back, as if he was looking down on you.  the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up slightly, his hands crossed on the desk. a book open in front of him and his pen to the side.  his writing was surprisingly neat.

"soldier, are you even listening?" the anger in his voice had caused you to sit up straight.  "sorry captain" you apologised.  "it's levi, as you are now on my squad" he sighed and sat back further into his chair, readjusting his sleeves. 

you must had looked shocked or confused as he waited for you to say something.  in the time he was waiting he observed your (e/c) eyes.  "me?.. are you sure you did not mean to ask someone else or-" you were cut short "i know who i'm asking (y/n). you are well trained, i've studied your skills but also your knowledge. you will be an asset"  he pulled himself forward in his chair, his legs uncrossed. his elbows rested on the table.  "well?" he interrupted your thoughts.  "yes of course, honoured, captain levi" you nodded confidently.  he noted something down in his book and glanced up at you through the dark strands of his hair "that's all. dismissed" you quickly rose from the chair and tuned to the door "and soldier arlert. he seems distracting. perhaps try not spending so much time with someone like that" you tuned to face him, his head tilted and his leg back to resting on the other, "captain" you nodded and swiftly made your way out the office.  armin is my friend, why would i want to spend less time with him.