Hesitation 18+🔞

Chapter 53: Promises

The hall is clearing out, and you struggle to find your team amidst the sluggish crowd. Erwin looks up from Eren and Mikasa to give you a reassuring nod as you pass him. You're going to have words with him later, Thursday's meeting included everything except Noah's transfer to the Scouts. Why did he feel the need to keep that from you? What happened to the mutual trust and transparency that was supposed to exist between you? Why did it seem like you were the only one expected to uphold that? Maybe you're just a private, but this isn't some top secret battle strategy or government secret.

"(Y/N)!" Hange's voice echoed from the lobby's side.

You caught a glimpse of them beyond the many soldiers passing through. Did they know too?
You hadn't seen Levi next to them initially but you narrowed your eyes at him instantly. He must have known. Maybe that's why he's been so unavailable the past few days, putting you through hell during the day just to vanish at night.

Hange
"The commander was looking for you."

(Y/N)
"What do you mean? I just saw him."

Levi
"Commander Nile Dok."

You shoot your head up to the ceiling, letting out an exasperated groan.

"Was it an order? Or was he just looking for me?"
You turned to face Levi again.

He meets you with an unamused expression
"Go find him. Now."

"I- it's really unimportant."

"(Y/N)!" Your name echoed from another direction, causing you to roll your eyes and turn towards the source.

Oliver
"The commander is looking for you."

(Y/N)
"I'm aware!" You snapped, reluctantly following him to the corner where Nile was.

Nile dismissed his counsel before turning his attention to you.
It seemed so trivial to you, but Oliver was adamant about proving his innocence. Honestly, you were happy to discard a person from your life before they ever mattered. Why was he so desperate to secure a place in your world? As if he had ever held one, as if he was entitled to your affection.
You listened attentively as Nile explained Oliver's innocence, particularly concerning the trade in Trost. You swap your face, ditching the irritated expression for one of concern, hoping to speed up this interaction. With a smile, you thanked the commander for his time, swiftly turning on your heels to find Levi again.

Oliver followed you
"Do you see now? I hope that clears things up, it was just a big misunderstanding."

(Y/N)
"Alright."
You picked up your pace as his presence began to overwhelm you.

Oliver
"Why are you rushing away from me? I'm just trying to do the right thing."

(Y/N)
"You're getting in the way of me and my dinner!"

Oliver
"Look, we got off on the wrong foot, I was hoping we could be friends–"

"I don't wanna be your friend! I believe you now! What else do you want from me?!"

Oliver stood frozen in the hall as your words hung sharply in the air.
"Forget it." He chuckled, backing away as your brows furrowed.

You ball your hands into fists as you continue your way back to Levi. Sure, that's not your proudest moment, but men are so dense. Clearly, you're angry, and he of all people should understand why. He saw how close you were with Noah, he felt like an annoying insect buzzing in your ear. This something that could've waited but no, of course he had to go inserting himself into your day.

You managed to reach Levi right as they were calling everyone to eat, securing your place next to him at the table. There was a new appointed superior at your table today, his name was Klaus. You've seen him in training, and heard many stories about him as a successful squad leader.
But as you sit there, rage was bubbling inside of you again, your hunger intensifying it. So you did your best to remember what Levi taught you the last time your anger got the best of you.
First, acknowledge yourself, really make sure you're aware of your actions despite the feelings under the surface. Your stomach ached with hunger as you grounded yourself in the present, and now you are painfully self aware of your appetite. Next, get into self preservation mode. You're already doing everything possible to take care of yourself, just waiting for the food to arrive, no further actions needed at this time. Lastly, you gotta pull yourself together.