Hesitation 18+🔞

Chapter 15: Monster

Back in Caleneth district, the city awaits your arrival in the street. You pictured your return so differently, many of your comrades look battered and dejected. The crowd murmurs in dissatisfaction, you overhear remarks mocking the mission that many haven't returned from. Several citizens gather to shout obscenities at the Commanders and you don't entirely disagree with them.
Why did Erwin keep so many details of the mission to himself? What were his intentions? You close your eyes, letting Mara lead you for the time being. You cannot afford to lose yourself right now, there is time to process your loss later, just breathe.
At the base everyone gathers in the cafeteria, but you're not hungry. People are talking to you but you don't hear them, all you can manage for now is a shower and to lay down. The rooms haven't been assigned yet and you have no clean clothes to wear, but you could care less. Removing your uniform and bathing prove to be difficult without using your hands, so you just remove your bandages, they should be reapplied anyway, you can still use the outer layers that don't have blood on them.

The complimentary soap smells lovely, hints of lemongrass and grapefruit perfume your body. The warm water runs over your sore muscles, as long as you're in here everything will be okay. This is a safe place, surely you're not missing anything happening downstairs.

Steam fills the stall as you refuse to absorb your reality. In order to rationalize all of the overwhelming emotions, you slip into a dissociative state. The graphic images of your slain comrades have been shoved to a far corner in your mind, buffering the immediate shock of this loss.
You wrap yourself in several large towels and wander the halls, nothing matters anymore. Sleep is your priority, sleeping will take you away from here so you head to the top floor, making sure to take a room far from everyone all the way at the end. As soon as you enter the room, you collapse on the bed, not caring enough to clothe yourself. The sun should set within a few hours although your lids can't stay open much longer. You can deal with everything later.

Or not... the door opens, waking you abruptly as you lay there covered only by a thin layer of sheets. It's much darker than when you first got here. A figure nears the bed, a lighter illuminating their silhouette when a familiar voice breaks the silence as your face is exposed by the flickering light.

"What are you doing in my room?" You snap at him.

It was Captain Levi. He takes his lighter to the lantern on the desk where a dim golden hue blankets the room.

"You went AWOL, you know that's an offense punishable by—"

"I went to sleep." You interrupt. "You're one to talk, though. Where were you when they all died?" Your voice remained emotionless as you tried to hold yourself together.

"You disobeyed orders to wait for further instruction." Levi's words were laced with disapproval.
"People have been looking for you. Your bastard friend from the MP caused quite a scene trying to get a hold of you."

"You didn't answer my question." You firmly reply

He approached the bed, towering over you and replied "I don't answer to you." in a low growl.

This little man led his squad, your squad, to their death, and he has nothing to say for it? You open your mouth to reply when he cuts you off

"Now get up!" He yelled.
He wants to play it this way? Alright, fine.

"Sir!" You get up, fully naked. "See, I do obey orders." you salute your captain.

Levi's eyes slightly widen. While he is not the type to outwardly show emotion, he is surprised to see a recruit so casual about being nude in front of their commanding officer. For a split second, his eyes glance downward at your frame before he averts his gaze back to your eyes.