Love, Cancer & Me ✓ [Original]

Chapter Twenty-Five

Dear Diary

December 12th, 2012

I woke up having only one thought on my mind. Please don't be sick today. I found myself coughing as I rolled over and when I looked down at my hand I saw little flecks of blood. For the past two days I had felt sicker then I ever had with radiation every night. It had me feeling like I wanted to give up, but with Nathan lying next to me it kept me trying, even though my hope was slowly fading. I wiped the blood onto a Kleenex and took a sip of water. Nathan stared to stir beside me and his arm went around my waist again.

"Morning baby girl." I put my hand in his hair and slid it down to the back of his neck pulling him closer to me. "Do you feel ok?" I bit my lip and nodded slowly. "Alright." He said quietly and kissed me passionately. After he pulled away a frown formed on his lips and I looked at him confused. It quickly went away and Nathan put a smile back on his face but I knew he still wasn't really happy. He kissed me again trying to cover it up and then rolled out of bed. "I got to go, I'll call you later."

He raced out and seconds later I heard the front door slam shut. "What's he mad about?" Matt asked standing in the doorway and I jumped not knowing he was there.

"I don't know." I got out of bed and felt what I ate for supper coming back up. I pushed past Matt and opened the bathroom door not caring if there was anyone already in there. I lifted the lid on the toilet just in time. I felt steam rising up around me and for a second I thought I was losing it.

"Hey Matt could you throw me that towel." Tristan said embarrassed and I turned my head away blushing. I tried to keep calm but something was defiantly wrong with me. That was the worst I've felt my whole life and it didn't help that Nathan just walked away from me. Plus nearly seeing Tristan naked wasn't making my day any better. I heard Tristan slowly walk out of the room and Matt walk in.

"How are you feeling sis?" Matt asked rubbing my back gently. I turned away from him and rested my back against the wall next to the toilet.

"Better..." I lied playing with the bottom of my shirt.

Matt sighed and then walked away from me. "I hate it when you lie to me."

"I hate making you worry!" I yelled back storming out of the bathroom to find him. "I hate the look on your face every morning! Your small sweet smile but I can always tell that something is wrong! Your eyes always show the unhappiness that you are actually feeling!"

Matt's head peeked out of his room with the same sad eyes I was just referring too. "What am I supposed to feel then Darcy?" He said his voice cracking. "Your my sister and you're dying. Every night I fall asleep worrying you might never wake up and every morning I put on a fake smile and try to me optimistic but I can't. Your cancer has gotten worse Darcy and I don't want you to die."

He slammed the door of his bedroom locking himself away from me. Tristan was calling my name put I couldn't answer. I felt myself about to throw up but I didn't move. I couldn't. I took a deep breath and ran into Tristan's arms crying. "He hates me!" I cried into his chest. "He really hates me."

"Of course he doesn't hate you Darcy." Tristan whispered into my hair. "You just don't realize how hard this is on everyone around you." I don't know how long Tristan and I stood there hugging but I stopped crying after a while. It felt nice to be in Tristan's arms. His light humming in my ear helped my body relax closer to him.

"Do you want to talk to him?" Tristan asked gently lifting up my chin. It all seemed to go in slow motion as Tristan leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. Immediately I responded to the sweet kiss but suddenly Nathan's face came into my mind. How Nathan's kisses made me feel and how Tristan is just a brother to me. I quickly pulled away just as I heard a door close behind me. I jumped around to see Matt standing in the hall staring at me.

"I just wanted to remind you that it's Nathan's birthday today." He said glaring at Tristan.

"Oh my god." I mumbled running to my room and getting dressed at fast as I could. I ran back to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and hair to try and make myself presentable for today. I kept my tears in as I applied a little amount of make up to my eyes. I walked down the street alone through the snow, with my arms wrapped around me, trying to keep warm. I walked up his driveway shaking from the cold air and then the front door opened.

"Darcy, what-?" I ran up to him ignoring the pain that it caused and kissed him roughly. "Did you walk here?" He asked sternly and I frowned and nodded.

"I'm so sorry I forgot." I said after I put my arms tightly around his neck. "Happy birthday Nate." I murmured slowly and Nathan pulled me inside. He rubbed my arms with his hands and then wiped away the tears that I just couldn't hold back. "I'm sorry, I really wanted this day to be special and then I went and ruined it and don't say it's ok because it's not."

"It is ok, you have a lot on your mind, we both do and I didn't even remember it was my birthday." Nathan joked. "Come on you didn't ruin it." He said and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. I held back on saying that Tristan kissed me, I'd really ruin his birthday if I told him that. "Some of my family's here... You don't have to meet them if you don't want to." I shook my head lightly feeling it start to pound.

"No it's alright." He took my into the living room and went around the room introducing me to his aunts, uncles and cousins. Since there was only one chair I sat down on his lap. "I'll be right back ok?" I said and Nathan looked at me a little worried but he didn't say anything. I went into the kitchen and got some water. I took out my phone.

I'm at Nathan's and I'm sorry Matty, sometimes I don't remember that it's hard on you too. Please forgive me.
-D

"Darcy?" I heard Ethan coming into the kitchen and I put on a fake smile like Matt said he had done too many times to count. "Nathan asked me to come see if you were ok. Are you ok?" I nodded and held up the glass of water taking another sip. He walked over to the stove and stirred the chilli that was in the pot.

"What about you? You look better, but sometimes when I look the best I feel the worst, so you never know." Ethan looked like he was thinking about what he was going to say and then he smiled.

"I do feel better then I have lately, maybe the chemo is finally doing what it's supposed to." He said laughing and all I could think was, I just wish it would do that for me. "We should probably go back in before Nathan starts to worry about you more then he already is." Nathan smiled when he saw me and then the kiss with Tristan came to my mind. It was like a constant reminder of what I did and I felt so bad.

"Hey baby girl. You ok?" He really was worried about me so I smiled and kissed his cheek. Everyone was talking but I wasn't paying any attention to what they were saying, I just held onto Nathan's hand.

"Alright suppers ready. Everyone take a bowl, it's self serve." Nathan's Dad said and his name was something I just couldn't remember. Nathan handed me a bowl, that was half full, and I kept a smile on my face even though I didn't have an appetite. I took small bites every now and then to make it look like I was eating more then I really was. Everyone was laughing and having fun and on my mind was that kiss with Tristan, I couldn't seem to forget it. I was so disappointed in myself, I shouldn't have let it happen.

"Darcy..." Nathan's said bringing me out of my trance. "You didn't eat much." I just took his hand, not saying anything, I just hoped he understood. Nathan swapped our bowls and smiled at me as he ate the rest of mine. Then Ethan dimmed the lights, and Nathan's Dad carried out a cake that had 18 candles on top all with flames. I joined in with everyone as they sang happy birthday and Nathan's hand rubbed against the inside of my thigh.

"Darcy do you want a piece?" I shook my head lightly and the pounding started again but I had to show Nathan that I was ok. I dipped my finger in the icing of his piece and whispered happy birthday in his ear.

"I'm going to take Darcy home." Nathan said and held my hand as we walked out to his truck. He opened the door for me. "What a gentleman." I said poshly.

He laughed as he closed the door. I watched him walk over to his side of the car and the thought of being alone with Nathan was freaking me out a little. He climbed into the car and we just talked about random things on the way home. Most of it I don't even remember.

"Home sweet home." I mumbled looking up at my house as Nathan pulled in.

"You know you haven't given me a present yet." Nathan teased laughing. I unbuckled my seat belt and turned Nathan's face towards mine.

"Happy birthday..." I whispered before kissing him. He immediately responded by kissing me back passionately and the sparks flew everywhere. I tried to respond with just as much passion but I could feel my head spinning.

Nathan pulled away and mumbled something. "If your not feeling good we should stop."

"I feel fine," I lied crushing my lips back against his ignoring the pain. I pushed it out of my mind as Nathan's tongue traced my lips and I let him in. I straddled him and ran my hands up Nathan's stomach feeling the warmth radiate from him. His hands stayed on the back of my neck as I lifted his shirt over his head.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" Nathan whispered pulling the wig off my head. "Even without this. You are so honest with me and I've never been in a relationship before where I've been honest and the girl has been honest back and you have no idea how good it feels. I love you Darcy. So much."

Nathan was about to kiss me again but I put my hand on his lips stopping him whispering in his ear. "I have to tell you something Nathan and you might want to put your shirt back on."

He looked at me confused when I got off him and out of the car. I watched him as he put his shirt back on and came out next to me.

"D what's going on?" He asked.

"I didn't want to ruin your birthday but Tristan. He kissed me." Nathan froze for a second before sprinting into the house calling for Tristan.

"Nathan wait!" I yelled and followed him inside. There he was. In the kitchen with Tristan pressed up against the wall.

"Look man-"

"Don't say a word!" Nathan yelled cutting him off. I ran in front of Tristan as Nathan clenched his fists.

"Don't do this Nathan," I warned. I put my hand on his neck and pushed him backwards slightly.

"Why are you defending him?" Nathan yelled. "He kissed you!" I paused thinking about what to say. I lived Nathan but Tristan was still my friend.

"You like him?" Nathan asked. "Don't you?" He said jumping to conclusions and I hated it.

"Of course she does! It takes two to tango dude." Tristan replied playing fire with fire. Nathan's face turned bright red with rage. I tried to say something but nothing would come. Nathan immediately stormed out of the house slamming the door behind him.

Suddenly, I fell to the ground blacking out.