"It's not like we won't see each other ever again Haru" you chuckled while folding your shirt and placing it on the pile of clothes on the bed.
"I know I know.." he cleared his throat, walking closer to you, hands in his pockets.
"When will Hiro be back home?"
"This evening.." you sighed lightly, trying not to let him hear you.
You were quite nervous about the idea of seeing your fiancé again and to cope with that feeling, you kept folding your clothes. Just not to think about it.
"Y/n.."
You didn't hear him. You were too focused.
"Y/n... Oi" as a man with no patience at all, Sanzu gently gripped your wrists so he could stop your movements and you could look at him with eyes full of worry.
"You know that you can break up with him, right..?"
You remained silent.
Of course you knew that. But there was something that managed to keep you from taking that decision everytime.
You weren't sure if it was fear.. or just the fact that you already were going to marry Hiro and you mind was unconsciously telling you not to call off the wedding.
"I know.."
"Then why won't you do that? It's very simple"
"No it's not." You slowly pulled away your arm from his hand.
"Then tell me what's the problem and I'll help you" he took your hand now "Don't be stubborn. All your life you've always been doing things by yourself and never got help from anyone. Let me help you, please."
He sat on the edge of the bed and let you straddle him, your knees placed at the sides of his thighs.
He was looking- staring at you with his big esmerald eyes, his lashes were lighter than the usual and his irises way brighter.
You could noticed those details only when he would look at you. Maybe it was the effect you had on him.
He was always so handsome, but when he had all his attention on you, gifting all his beauty to you, he was something else. Even more than when he was drunk or high and his pupils were dilated, his eyes even more sleepy and his irises darker.
In that moment, you felt you eyes getting teary all of a sudden because you finally understood what was stopping you from leaving Hiro for Haruchiyo.
It was because of Haruchiyo himself.
"Hey.. what's wrong.." he gently cupped you cheeks, bringing your face closer to his "Why are you crying??"
"I'm sorry Haru.." you placed a hand on your mouth and started sobbing uncontrollably, hiding your face in the crook of his neck.
"Huh?.. sorry for what..?" He gulped down his saliva as he was getting nervous as well for no apparent reason.
"Y/n please talk to me, you're scaring me.." he slowly detached you from him so he could look at your face and wipe your tears off your cheeks with his thumbs.
"I-I can't break up with Hiro-" you coughed too, gripping his wrists trying to find some comfort.
"Just tell me why and we'll find a solution together"
"N-No.." you shook your head. You were scared you could hurt him.
"Please Y/n..."
You sniffled, trying to gather all the courage to tell him what was really bothering you. After a few minutes you took a deep breath, cupping his cheek and brushing your thumbs on his pale skin.
"I.. I can't see a future with you, Haruchiyo.."
In that moment, Haruchiyo swore he could feel his heart break into million pieces. But as much as he could feel a gigantic amount of pain, he kept looking at you with the same sweet expression.
And then he smiled.
That was what broke you the most.
His smile full of sadness.
"Don't hate me.. please" you started trembling with no control and immediately hugged him again, wrapping your arms around his neck and shutting your eyes close.
"Why?"
"Uh?" You opened your eyes, gripping his shirt tight.
"Why can't you see a future with me? Is it because of my job? My addiction? I'd like to know the reason..." He spoke softly in your ear, still rubbing his hands on your waist to somehow calm you down.
Even being hurt, he always thought about you feeling good first.
"Y-your addiction.." you squeezed your thighs to his hips as well, caressing his hair on the back of his head.
"I can't see myself marrying you, having a baby with you or living together for the rest of our lives... And it hurts.. but I can't.."
What if his addiction to those fucking pills would affect your life as a couple?
Few minutes of silence.
"Okay"
"O-okay?"
"Yes, it's okay." You could tell by the tone of his voice that he was smiling.
"I'm aware of the fact that I'm not the best man you could be with, I have my own problems, a lot. I'm a criminal, a drug addict, sometimes I drink too much and I may be very impulsive when I'm mad.."
"But I really love you Y/n... I know you're scared, I totally understand you... I wouldn't date myself either" he added with a soft chuckle that broke you even more.
"Just know that my heart belongs to you. Yesterday, now, in five years. Forever. I belong to you."
You then detached from him, looking at him into his eyes.
"It's okay if you don't want to stay with me, but this doesn't stop you from breaking up with Hiro. You deserve to be happy, to be free.. and by what you usually tell me, I understand that you're not happy right now. He's dangerous and you really deserve better."
"Ha-aru.." your lips immediately started quivering.
"Choose wisely, okay? It's your life"
===================== Don't hate me pls you know I love you all <3
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