Ymir's Necklace: The Secret You Hold | Book I | Levi x Reader

Secret

YOUR POV

The next morning was exceptionally sunny. What an irony, you thought as you woke up from your bed. You glanced over your room and noticed Mikasa was already gone. The day of intense training awaited you. You splashed your face with cool water and noticed the lack of color in your skin - dread was still palpable from the night prior. A sense of deep, gut-wrenching guilt embraced you as you thought of Levi, of how you must've hurt his feelings. You didn't like pushing him away. The mere idea of causing him pain made you sick to your stomach. Still - you could not allow yourself to remain close to him. It would not be fair. He had lost so much, so many people already. You would not allow him to grow more attached to you if both of you knew you had very little time left.

You would not do that to him. Or to yourself, either.As you changed into your uniform, you started hearing voices outside your room. And once you got outside, you saw Mikasa eyeing you to follow her. You quickly advanced to her side, both of you walking toward the training grounds.

'You slept in', she exhaled quietly. In reality, you had barely slept. But could not get out of bed in the morning. Your body felt so heavy then.

'Yeah', you sighed. Mikasa looked at you as if she was trying to decipher something. She was incredibly perceptive, and even though you had not known her for long, you felt comfortable around her. There was a hazy mysteriousness about her that became increasingly intriguing. Something about her reminded you of Levi, in a way. Before you joined the rest of the group for training, she grabbed your arm, stopping you in your steps.

'Are you okay?', her eyes had a softness to them you had not witnessed before in her. You nodded, your face remained stern and your lips pressed as you let go of her grip and walked towards the others.

It was hard. Seeing him throughout the day. Training alongside the others, walking throughout the Barracks. You would both lock gazes from time to time, but you would not allow yourself to look at him for too long. You felt it was... unfair. You were already causing him pain. There was no need to cause any more friction between the two of you. But you felt a pressure in your chest at all times, at every fucking hour of the day. Wether he was around and observing you, or you were away from him. Levi's face was all you could think about. How much you had hurt him. How much was at cost. Would it be worth it to talk this out? What was the point after all? Soon enough, it was dinner time, and you could not make up another excuse to not show to the Mess Hall with your group.

When you got to your usual table, you sat down with your plate in silence. You were right across Levi, and everyone seemed to be enjoying their meals without talking about anything substantial. You felt his gaze on yours even when you were lookig away. It was almost unbearable - you felt as if your heart could burst at any moment and shatter you right then and there. Levi then looked into your eyes, his gaze asking you the question you knew he would ask. He could communicate with you like that, almost telepathically. You nodded slightly, allowing him to do what you knew you would be too weak to do yourself.And then he spoke.

'We all need to talk tonight', that's all he said. Connie and Jean looked at the Captain and then at each other, mild concern decorating their expressions. Your lips slightly parted as you looked at Levi, but he wasn't looking at you. He kept his gaze on Mikasa.

'Is something wrong?', Armin inquired.

'Mikasa's room. Past midnight', that's all he let out. And you knew exactly what you were all going to discuss.

Everyone sat in silence. You would not dare look up, but you could picture everyone's expressions. The deep sense of guilt that you had felt throughout the day toward Levi now expanded on everyone else. The news were hell on earth for you, but especially for them. After a couple of minutes of eerie stillness, you lifted your head and observed them.

'What... what are we...', Reiner let out almost stuttering.

'It's not... over?', Jean asked as he looked at the ceiling.

'(Y/n)... how long?', Mikasa gasped as she held your arm tightly. She looked at you with watery eyes and a deep frown. God, you hated this. You hated every second of it. You were causing everyone so much pain. And for fucking what?

'I don't know', you exhaled as you held her hand. You faked a small smile, then took a deep breath. 'I'm so sorry. I didn't know.

'You don't have to say sorry, this is not your fault', Armin expressed. His eyes emanated kindness. He then looked at Levi, who had broken the news. You knew and expected he would share this with his old squad the moment he looked at you at dinner. You knew how insanely loyal he was. And in a way, you were grateful that he had shared this instead of you - you wouldn't have had the strength to tell them without breaking down completely.

'I... don't know what this means. But, all of you need to understand something'. You stopped for a second and looked at every single one of your now friends. Concern and frowns decorated their gazes, but also loyalty, empathy and care. 'Whatever this means... you will not save me. There is a reason why I have this titan, I know that. We all know that. Whatever the reason is... no one here dies trying to save me. Is that understood?', your voice remained stern as you let out those words, but you were shaking. You could feel tears streaming down your face as you pressed your lips together and closed your eyes.

'Bullshit', Mikasa sighed. Everyone was looking at her then. 'We already did that once, (Y/n). We allowed Eren to sacrifice himself. I am not doing that again', she looked at other faces to find recognition. And to your surprise, everyone nodded in unison.

'We will fight. We will do whatever it takes. And we are not losing you', Reiner stood up and pressed his hand on your shoulder. You were at a loss for words. They truly cared about you. You allowed your hand to grab his and squeezed hard. A ghost of a smile decorating your face. And then you looked at him. The man that had ignited so much within yourself. The one person you trusted with your life. The bravest, most loyal man you had ever met. And he was looking right through you with those steel eyes. That stoic, yet caring expression you knew too well.

'No fucking sacrifices. We fight', he exhaled and stood up. You could feel more tears decorating your face. Soon enough, everyone stood up.

'We have to work on a plan, and we have to do it now. We have to push Jaegerists to fight', Armin sighed. And he was right.

That was going to be a long night.