The Red String of Fate

Nightmares and Daydreams

Year: 840

Tears streamed down from Anya's closed eyes as she awoke from a deep slumber. She looked up above her bed – gone were the high ceilings of dirt that haunted her dreams, replaced by wooden beams. She felt the warm tears on her face and wiped them from her cheeks. "not again..." she mumbled as she pulled herself out of bed, yawning and stumbling her way to the mirror leaned against the corner of the wall. Looking herself up and down, she couldn't help but feel uneasy. She had changed so much in the last 3 years, and her body showed it. She wasn't ugly by any means, quite the contrary. But going from being stick thin to the size of an average girl her age was still an awkward sight to her. "So this is what 18 looks like. Pft." She spoke out loud to herself, taking off her nightgown and changing into her usual daily outfit – a plain button-down shirt, black skirt, and boots. Pulling her hip length white hair into a perfectly neat ponytail and wiping the remaining tears from her deep blue eyes. She made her way to her window, looking up at the bright blue sky above her – a sight she still hadn't quite gotten accustomed to over the last 3 years. Anya sighed and grabbed her bag from the vanity table, giving herself one more look-over in the mirror before leaving her room.

The hallway she walked down was adorned with the drawings of her younger sister, with an especially crowded area in front of a particular door. Anya opened the door slowly, and instinctively gagged at the smell radiating from the room. The floors were scattered with various art supplies, the walls had drawings covering them, there were papers everywhere, and dozens of cups with varying degrees of being full. She looked towards the bed, at the messy haired teenager still asleep. "Sarina. Sarina we have to go help mom..." Anya's normally sweet voice was clearly annoyed "Sarina..." she poked the drooling girl in the shoulder "SARINA YOU FILTHBAG" Anya raised her voice, but the girl didn't move except to rollover. "ugh, fine.." Anya made her way to the door, almost tripping over various art supplies strewn across the floor 'one day, I am going to show her how to clean...' Anya thought to herself as she shut the door behind her, starting to make her way to the kitchen. She ran her fingertips down the old wooden banister as she stepped carefully down the stairs, making her way past a large living area and through a small dining room.

"Anya dear, are you hungry?" Her mother looked at her, smiling as she studied every inch of the girls face "I'll make my birthday girl whatever she wants!" her voice was always so warm, Anya thought as she smiled at her mother.

"I guess. I don't know..." Anya trailed off, looking down at the table. She knew that somehow her mother would figure out that she had been having what she could only describe as nightmares again, however she could never figure out exactly what they were about – She remembered the feeling more than the imagery, a feeling she had felt before. The feeling of being ripped away from everything you've ever known, from something – or someone – that you love. With impeccable timing her mother caressed her face, still warm from the tears - "Anya, were you crying?" her mother sounded worried "Dear, why were you crying?" she inquired with genuine concern.

"It's okay mom. I promise" Anya responded almost too quickly, not wanting to tell her mother that she had woken up more times than she could reasonably count the night before.
"Are you having those dreams again? You know you're not still in that place. You're safe now. No one can hurt you up here. I would never allow anything to hurt you again..." Her mother leaned over and pulled Anya into a hug, and Anya wrapped her arms around her mother.

"I know mom. I know." Anya smiled, and did her best to sound as sweet as she could. "Besides, today I'm working with you at the bar. Sarina is still sleeping, so maybe it can just be us today? I'd really like that. I can practice in peace" Anya asked, the excitement nearly pouring out of her voice.

"Of course, sweetie. Anything for my beautiful girl." She squeezed harder, nearly suffocating Anya with her uninhibited love for her daughter. But as quickly as Anya's excitement came, it left with her mother's next words. "You know, Anya, if we ever find that boy, I promise we'll take him in too. I promise." She smiled at Anya, and even though Anya knew she was sincere, she also knew it was impossible.

"I know mom... I know..." Anya looked back down at the table and like a wave, Sadness swept over her and she started crying again. Her mother held her tight and close, wiping away her tears. Anya recounted in her memory the face of the only other person she would let hold her like this, and her crying went from light and silent to loud, ugly, and pained. So loud it woke up her sister Sarina, who came running and stumbling down the stairs.

"Sis! Sis what's going on?" The messy brunette's hair was strung across her face as she ran up to Anya and joined the hug. "it's okay sis, you're safe now!" and with that, Anya let out a soft whimper into her mother's shoulder. After a few moments, Anya couldn't take it anymore. While the hugs were warm and sweet to her ever touch starved heart, she couldn't stand seeing these people – her family, her saviors – upset over her. Anya gently pushed them back and faked the brightest smile she possibly could.

"I'll be fine" Anya reassured herself, her mother, and her sister while flattening out her shirt and standing up. She looked out the kitchen window, and pointed upwards to the sky "besides, I get to wake up every morning and look at that! You can't see that from down there you know. I get to breathe fresh air now!" She feigned joy, and internally praised her own acting "Ya know, there's nothing better than fresh air!" she exclaimed proudly. She knew not everyone in this world could breathe fresh air. She knew not everyone could look up and see the sky. She knew these things, because for the first 15 years of her life, she was one of those people. She had friend's down there, people who she loved, who were still those people.

Anya let her mind wander as she gazed out the window for a moment, and thought again of the faced that haunted her dreams so beautifully. Picturing his face always had her either on the brink of tears, or immediately brought a smile to her face. This time, she controlled herself and smiled. She imagined that one day, he could come live with her and her little family. That he could escape it all like she did. It was a daydream that taunted Anya. A daydream of flowers, sunsets, and being together while looking up at the stars together like they did every night... Except from up here, where the stars weren't obstructed by sewer grates and buildings and dirt ceilings - she felt like it was impossible, a dream she could never reach - and maybe that's why people called them dreams. Dreams don't hurt, but reality does.