Mid Winter Wishes

Chapter 8

Days were quite progressive for me I had gains as well as loss being a captain i really enjoyed the dignity but with that a lot of trolling of my name was there in the school . I can't understand one simple thing about bullying why are the people who bully hate others just because they are ugly I mean simple fact you think you're beutiful good job! Now let the other live in peace.
I wasn't bullied like that brutally but traces were really there .
As I remember
One day we were having lunch and Nihal had an important work , he approached me for the help ,after helping him I sat with other girls to have lunch and they usually had a discussion of how boys like them how the boys would stare at them .
It was fair
I mean not every girl around would discuss politics , world trade , international currency.
Some would just like to have lazy gossips the heat of their gossip was slowly turning towards me and one of them stood and said .
"Let's have a playful allegations game ".
I said "why not".
Then she pulled me and took me with her and started saying
"Do you know guys who is she "
The girls said yes we know .
(Afcouse who wouldn't)
I was quite playful so didnt mind the way she was making fun of me or sort of but then she proceeded
"She is a type of girl who look for attention who look for appreciation from boys that's why we could always see her around the boys having a fun time we see these type of girls are a fashion right now "
"I'm relieved atleast I'm not like her "...
I was still in utter shock and how could I stand my insult
nd the first thing I did was
I smashed her face right with my hands
And warned her to stay away from me and my dignity .
They didn't even realize what actually happend those weren't simple words they held me like
Am I whore ?
Am I an attention seeker ?
No , not at all
I went to my favourite place in school with all these thoughts in my head .
That place was my escape or some kind of rage room .I would just want to be there until I'm really okay . That was none other that washroom I locked it from inside and cried it wasnt a big deal but those words were repeating in my head . Then I rember that one song I used to hear alot
A princess doesn't cry ......oh no
My eyes hurted me , but there was some kind of relief in crying that I would come out more strong than anyone else ..
And I've to survive and fight because afterall that's life .........
I really appreciate my teen self for being this much resilient its wasn't easy to deal things I was going through it's not bragging but sometimes you really need self appreciations for what you've been through ...

I returned and resumed to our class and show as if I'm all good and fine when I was really shattering inside it's easy to pretend than to explain why you are hurted ,who hurted you it was all so complicated but at the same time a subtle silence surrounded me with tint of laugh .
Best way to pretend you're FINE .
As soon as I reached my home I was so aggressive with every thing I would see. I threw my phone away , I'm a psychopath until you really get to my nerves . Then Disha calmed me down best part of my day where I would scream myself with the uttermost attention she would listen to me . The best thing about her is she knows what I feel without actually knowing the situation quite though sometimes you just need your friend by your side to hold you to love you .

But it seems good until something  really worse happens and you sit there thinking
WHY ME ?
A normal day , sun shine and birds chirping evening five doing normal chores when suddenly you spill the hottest cup of tea straight from the gas to your thigh and woh! You've been blessed with a big skin burn
Now stay the whole life with this burn mark on thigh . Just because I was watching tv while placing the cup on the table . I really think I'm the dumbest kid to exist and after I spilled the tea on my left thigh . I said I was okay that don't worry about my condition . Until we found that the whole skin came out and burned , and this mark would stay like a partner for my whole life like an arrange marriage with this scar . The burn was so bad that I was in utter pain for a week all my neighbors were running up to check if I'm doing good . Who the hell is doing good when you have your thigh's burnt.
Every one consoled me and suggested not to touch the skin and not to apply water there (there was barely any skin on my thigh )
But the weirdest of all these suggestions were of one aunty from my neighbour
"BETA apply some cream so that you'll be able to wear short dresses in future".
I really swear I had so much rage inside but acted so innocent with a YES.
Either I was really chaotic and yes I'm or the world isn't serious at all .
I was for on a week long leave and after I was able to walk my skin stretched which would trouble me alot really alot .
But I've to digest things because afterall this is my bowl of mistakes I've to have them with me .
But this scar never scared me  but the scars I have always carried with me withered me . They really took a lot of space for free in my mind . No matter what I do I had that lonely mind in me that would wander in escapism .