Silently In Tune (COMPLETE)

Twenty-Three: Drug

Valerian Calix

Was it possible to be more obsessed?

I stayed until she slept but sat in my car the entire night essentially stalking her.

I debated going home. I debated going back inside but I didn't want to wake her.

Her name was a chant, I couldn't tolerate any music in my car unless it was what I've written about her.

I was going insane but there was nothing I wanted to do to stop it.

The arch of her back, the curve of her throat, her whimpers whenever my hands were on her.

I wanted her to always need me.

But I had no idea how to make that happen.

I wanted to hide her from the world.

Everyone inside of it.

I wanted her to only exist in my mind.

But I knew that wasn't possible.

I held her favorite book in my hand, highlighting and scribbling things I noticed.

I had the gift bag and tissue paper ready for this shit, I felt bad, I didn't want to leave her for my interview.

I kept an eye on her bedroom window, if there was any indication she was awake I'd go to the door.

Although I had the keys to her house, front and back door.

I already miss her.

Smell.

Taste.

Feel.

She completed me. My life completely revolves around her.

As toxic as it is, it's my truth and I refuse to live life otherwise.

She can suck my dick once again if she wants to fucking fight me on that.

I wanted to hear her voice.

I wanted to run my hand down the arch of her back.

I wanted to feel her throat in my hand.

I wanted to trace her full lips with my fingers. My tongue.

But I turned up my music, whispering my lyrics to myself and how I memorized her before I even had her.

My baby.

-

A knock came at my window and I startled awake, Corvina crossing her arms over her chest as she knocked on my window.

I turned my car off.

I looked at the time.

Thank fuck.

6 am, I was fine.

I opened my door and got out, my body cramping from neck to ankles from sleeping in my small ass car.

"Why are you here?" She asked.

I debated the truth.

"I kind of never left..." I cleared my throat, my voice hoarse.

"Why? Are you okay?" She asked.

I turned, pulling the gift bag from my passenger seat.

I handed it to her.

She looked more concerned for me than pleased with the gift.

"Open it please." I whispered.

She studied me with worry before opening it.

She gasped, opening and moving through the annotated pages.

"You annotated it?" She asked.

I nodded.

"Is this what you were doing? Why didn't you just stay? You would've been more comfortable."

"I didn't plan... I uhm..." I didn't have the words, embarrassment coated me.

"You what, love?" She reached up, touching over my cheek lightly.

"I didn't plan to uh... stay. But I didn't want to go. But I didn't want to wake you." I said and she tilted her head.

"Do you need anything? You have an interview soon." She said.

I shrugged.

"I'll be fine."

She nodded, looking at the book.

"Thank you, Valerian. I really love it." She held it to her chest and I nodded.

"Yeah." I felt my throat burn with the goodbye.

She turned and started into her house.

I sat in my car, unable to swallow the lump in my throat.

What was wrong with me?

I called Harden.

"Where are you dude-"

"I-" words were gone, my throat swelling, my heart racing.

"Where are you? Are you safe?"

"Yea-" I choked.

"Okay. What's wrong?"

I didn't know.

"Are you with Cor?"

I felt a release in my throat as hot tears swarmed my vision.

"Kind of, I don't know-" I felt my body shaking.

I hung up, leaving my car and knocking on her door.

It took a second but she was here, looking at me.

"Val what-"

I wrapped my arms around her waist, pressing my nose to her throat and inhaling.

"Are you alright?"

"D-don't say bye." I whispered and she held onto me.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

I couldn't answer in fear I'd say things I didn't want her to know.

My arms were locked onto her waist, my lungs filled with my dopamine.

She was my drug. I couldn't be without her.

I was going to fucking lose my shit.

"Do you want to stay for breakfast? I'll make something?" She offered.

I didn't- I couldn't let her go.

"No."

"What do you need?" She asked gently, her voice coaxing my brain to relax.

"You."

"Me? Okay. Do you want to nap? I'll wake you up when you should head out." She offered.

I hummed.

"Okay. Come on."