Suffocating

Thoughts

Sophie.

Calvin said he didn't have a very good relationship with his mother. He said she cared but it was just an appearance. It was only there on the surface. He was at my house for hours before she called to check up on him. The call only lasted a minute and he said nothing after, like it didn't matter to him that she was checking on him.

Coming from such a close family, it made me sad to see how Calvin's family treated him. He had almost died only weeks before and it didn't seem like they were trying to change their ways. If I'd done that, my family would never leave me alone. They'd be asking me how I was feeling every five seconds. I'd know how they felt.

I curled up in Cal's arms, a movie on the TV across the room. I wasn't watching it like he was. It was just background noise, making me seem occupied. But I couldn't stop thinking of him.

Cal moved and I jumped at the sudden movement. I was so deep in my thoughts that I wasn't expecting him to sit up.

He grinned when he saw how flustered I was. "Are you okay?"

I sat up beside him and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"Did I scare you?"

I shook my head.

He leaned against the wall behind him and ran a hand through his hair. "I realized neither of us had said anything for a long time. It was weird."

"Sometimes silence is nice."

He smiled but it wasn't as happy. There was something on his mind but I wasn't sure he wanted to talk about it. I didn't want to push him.

I looked at our backpacks on the floor. "I guess we're not going to study."

"I was kind of hoping we weren't going to."

I threw a pillow at him. "How are you ever supposed to pass biology if you don't study?"

"I wasn't thinking that far ahead."

There it was again. He tried acting strong and tough but I knew he wasn't okay. There were thoughts he couldn't control. Thoughts he couldn't stop from filling his head. I wanted to help him but I just didn't know how.

"Calvin, your sister's here." Mom called down the steps.

I sighed. I wanted more time with Calvin but I couldn't tell his sister to go away. I couldn't tell Cal not to go with her.

He sat up and kissed me lightly on the lips. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

I nodded. "Bye, Cal."

"Bye, Sophie."

I got absolutely no sleep that night. I knew Calvin was asleep and I didn't want to wake him up. I didn't want to keep my parents up when they barely knew Calvin and didn't want to be bothered with someone else's problems. I couldn't tell my sister and scare her.

So I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, the wall, the floor, my pillow... anything to try and sort my thoughts out.

Cal wasn't telling me everything going through his head and it bothered me. Sure, he had every right to his privacy but not when his thoughts weren't safe. Not when he could hurt himself.

I had to talk to him about it. I needed to know what was going on.

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Sorry for the short chapter! I don't want to give anything away that could ruin future chapters. It's all worked out, trust me!

Thank you for taking the time to read this chapter! I should have another chapter updated soon.

Writerandreader