Matches: Why We Burned Out

epilogue // moisturiser

"I hate you, Mia."

Every time I wear his t-shirt, I'm reminded of his sour words. I don't want to hear it anymore. I don't want to keep this stupid t-shirt. I can't.

I've been looking for excuses to see him. I miss him so much and it's not even been two weeks since I last saw him. Him and his girlfriend. I'm over him, I tell myself. I know I'm lying. He blamed our entire breakup on me. It wasn't my fault.

Maybe he'll get upset when I give his shirt back. He'll feel like he's being rejected. It's almost like saying, "For a moment, I thought I still wanted this piece of you in my life. But now that I think about it? I don't want you anywhere near me. If I give this shirt to you, that means I'm getting on with my life. You were just a hurdle I had to get over... and now I'm winning the race."

I'm sure he still has something of mine at least. Maybe he doesn't.

I bring the fabric to my nose and inhale. Even though I've worn it a few times, his scent won't leave it. I wipe my eyes with it. His absence is what makes me cry. I miss him.

I stare at my phone for a while, deciding whether to text him. It's 9 AM on a Saturday. I tell myself to wait awhile, but I can't help myself.

To: Romeo
Hey, I hope you're doing well. Your shirt is here. I miss you.

He doesn't reply.

Late at night is when I decide to visit him. I know he's awake. I knock on the door. He opens the door a little while later, but almost closes it once he sees me. His hand flies to his messy hair in an attempt to make it look neater. He licks his lips and leans against the doorframe.

I stare at him for a while, but force myself to say something. "I have your shirt. I just wanted to give it back." My voice is quiet and I can already feel myself getting close to tears. He takes the fabric from my hands. He holds it for a second while he stares into my watering eyes. I can tell he wants to say something, but he breaks eye contact and licks his lips. There's silence for a while.

"I have something for you too. Wait here," he says as he disappears into his house. He comes back a few minutes later with some things in his hands. He gives me the painting he did of me. I shake my head.

"I can't take this from you."

"Please Mia." He stands closer to me and I can feel the heat of his body on my skin. My cheeks burn when he whispers my name. I reluctantly take the painting from him and hold it close to my chest. "Take this too."

He holds out a bottle of moisturiser... my moisturiser? Why did he keep that? The boy notices my frowning face and answers the question that was in my head.

He detaches his confusing eyes from mine and nervously looks at the ground. His voice is quiet when he speaks. "It smells of you. Sorry. That's weird, right?" He kept it for the same reason I kept his shirt. I carefully place the painting on the ground and wrap my arms around his neck. He embraces my small body in his strong arms.

Our breathing syncs.

He pulls away and I can physically feel how much he wants to kiss me. I know he misses my kisses. He backs up a little bit.

"Jade's upstairs," he says shakily. I nod understandingly. Of course he didn't break up with his girlfriend for you, Mia. Duh. He watches my expression.

Uncontrollable tears roll down my cheeks before I can say anything in response. I take the painting and my moisturiser, leaving his house without saying another word. The thing that hurts most is that he doesn't even call me back. I can't see where I'm walking because my eyes are coated with a layer of salty tears.

I still haven't figured out why he broke up with me. Yeah, he might have said that it was because he wasn't ready, but he seems as ready as he'll ever be with that Jade girl. He might have said that it was because I was still in love with my ex, but he's still in love with his. The only other reason I can think of is that he got bored of me. And it doesn't even shock me.

That's why we burned out. There's no need to sugarcoat it with metaphors about pitstops and candles, because the reason is simple. Romeo and I burned out because he became bored of me. And that is all.

***