Matches: Why We Burned Out

fourteen // constellation queen

I call the boy. He might be in class, but he might also have a free period. I hope it's the latter. After a few rings, he picks up. "Hello Mia," he greets me with a slightly happy voice. He makes me smile when he says my name.

"Hey."

"What's up?" he asks. "How are you feeling-- Oh, crap, I forgot to visit you at the hospital! I was just so tired--"

"It's okay," I try to tell him but he's still in a state of panic which means he doesn't hear me.

"Are you still at the hospital? Wait, of course you're not. I'll be at your house in like, twenty minutes. See you soon!" He ends the call, leaving a confused smile on my face. I wasn't really bothered that he didn't visit. He actually spent a lot of time with me anyway.

Moments later, the doorbell rings. Mom answers the door and talks to him for a little bit before she lets him come up to my room. He smiles upon the sight of me and sits beside me in my bed. "I'm sorry I didn't visit you this morning." I hold his hand.

"It's okay," I tell him honestly, causing him to raise my hand to his lips and kiss it. I feel my cheeks burn like hell.

"Mia."

"Hmm?"

"I'm in a good mood today. Can we sit outside?" Romeo suggests. The weather outside is uplifting. Although it's mid-March, the sun is out and beating down on every surface it can touch. I'm sure it feels slightly cold outside, but the heat of the sun should make up for it. But it hurts to move. The stitches on my lower abdomen make any form of movement painful.

I open my mouth to inform Romeo of my pain, but he opens the door to my balcony which makes me shut up and watch him. He then pulls my duvet off my legs and pick me up bridal style. I feel slightly embarrassed in my blue nightwear. He takes me out to the balcony and places me carefully on the floor beside him. He holds my hand.

I stare into his eyes which don't seem so confusing anymore. "Why are you so happy?" I question curiously. Romeo shrugs, his thumb carefully rubbing the back of my hand.

"It's either the fact that I realised how great you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life, or it's the three cans of Monster that I had to keep me awake," he says, grinning slightly. I giggle and shake my head, staring up at the sky. The boy rests his head on my shoulder. After a while of simply just sitting in the slightly chilly air, Romeo brings up a topic none of us like to talk about. "I don't know much about you, Mia. I mean, I've noticed some things."

I lick my lips. "Like what?"

He chuckles. "Like the way you lick your lips when you're curious. Or, how you tuck your hair behind your ear when you want to look extra cute." He stares into my eyes and holds my cheeks in his big hands. "Or the blue fleck in your right eye..." His excited expression falls slightly. He bites his lip before speaking.

I know what he's going to say, but I don't want to hear it. All I can think is, don't say it, don't say it, damn it! He breaks eye contact. "Romeo..." I sigh, trying to stop him from saying it.

"We have to talk sometimes, M. This is more than just an eternal make out session to me," he insists, standing up now and resting on the railing. I chew on my lip nervously. "It feels like I don't know you at all. Sure, your personality's wonderful but that's it. There's no sort of backstory, or history, or battle wound. Is that how it's gonna be?" He said it.

I shake my head and sigh deeply, looking down at my hands. "Sorry," I whisper. Romeo turns around to look at me and clenches his jaw.

"It's not even like you've wanted to tell me. It's like you've purposely been hiding things away from me," he continues, his voice still gentle. He looks away.

"Sorry," I mutter again. His eyes still don't meet mine. He stares at his watch. "Romeo?"

"I have to get back to school." He walks out without saying goodbye, or kissing me. I feel hurt, like he hates me.

But I know exactly how to turn this around.

***

The boy returns to my house a few hours later. He closes the door to my bedroom behind him and leans against its surface. "I'm sorry I stormed out," he says, heaving a sigh. I don't say anything in response. I get out of bed and pace over to him in my bare feet. Holding his large hand in mine, I pull his over to my bed. I sit him down and reach beneath my bed to pull out a small shoebox that I spent my afternoon decorating. "What's this?"

I smile daintily, "I thought hard about what you said." I place the box in his hands and sit beside him. "This is a Beginner's Guide to Mia. It's got all the things that define who I am inside of it." Romeo grins to himself as he opens up the small box filled with all my best memories.

He brings out the tag I had from the hospital which I had to keep around my wrist whilst I was there. The boy frowns and looks at me curiously, yet he doesn't say a word.

"When I was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma, I had to wear that hospital bracelet whenever I had scans and whatnot," I tell him with a soft voice. He stares down at the tag intensely, not speaking for ages.

"You have cancer?" he barely whispers. His voice is so quiet that I'm shocked as to how I heard it.

"Had. I had cancer. The chemo was successful, despite the fact that I also have diabetes."

"Diabetes!" Romeo exclaims, pushing his glasses up his nose. "How do you manage?" His tone seems relaxed now, as he wears an amused expression.

I shrug. "Keep looking! That's not the only thing in the box," I push, encouraging him to explore the box further. He brings out some astronomy booklets.

"Constellation queen," he jokes with a small chuckle. He pulls out some small flower paintings too. "Isn't that ironic? Your name's petal and you paint flowers." I smile.

After Romeo's finished rummaging through the box, he puts it aside and kisses me. His fingers run through my hair as we kiss, his warm lips moving rhythmically on mine. He breaks for air. He stares into my eyes.

"You're the strongest, most beautiful girl I've ever known." And he kisses me again, more hungrily this time. It's from this point that I realise I want him more than anything. I break the kiss.

"Remember what I said about slow as a slug? Forget it."

***

Can we all just acknowledge how many times I've updated this week? Three times. Three. I don't know why I love you guys so much. The next update with be up by the time you get out of bed on Saturday morning. Comment your feels!

— sarah xox