Lilac's Lies

45

The only thing that was keeping me still was the morphine flowing through my veins.

It kept me sedated enough, trapping me in a semi-conscious state between the dream world and the real world. Yet, even then I couldn't stop the thoughts. Like they had been before, they were still slowly inching through my brain like a traffic jam. Though, now they had a whole different meaning.

While I was once watching those thoughts bang together with a mind consuming panic, it was different now. I wasn't panicked anymore. I was confused. I was so confused, and I was sick to my stomach at the confusion.

I wasn't confused in an innocent way, I was confused in the most painful way possible. I was confused why my life had led here, why my life had allowed me to meet this horrible human. Why I had allowed this human into my life, why I had allowed him into my heart. A human who wanted to hurt me in as many ways as he could; physically, emotionally, mentally...

Though the panic was mostly gone, the anxiety was still there. Clara and I had figured out their secret, their lie, but we didn't know what to do about it. We didn't know how to solve it. We didn't even know if we could solve it. Which, I'm guessing is why Clara called Samuel. I'm not sure how she thought they could help, as she left the room shortly after she called him. I didn't get to hear their conversation, but it made me anxious.

I didn't want Roman to know anything. Everything he found out, well, it only took me further away from being the girl he knew. Every part of information he had, every insight he had into my life, into my torture, changed who I was for him. Its part of the reason I didn't tell Clara when Jesse hit me. Things like this... it makes people pity you.

Clara though, she seemed satisfied with whatever she and Samuel spoke on the phone about. She left my hospital room with that same look of determination on her face, but this time she wore a small smile. Though, I realized she turned to Samuel for protection, she wanted Samuel and Roman to finally do what they've been wanting to do for so long.

It was a nice dream, of course. I've had my own fantasies about watching them set Brett and Jesse straight, but she had to realize as much as I did... it was not a good idea.

At some point, the morphine lulled my restless mind into a light sleep. I woke early the next morning, the nurse checking my bandages and vitals smiling softly in greeting. After assuring both my mother and the doctor that I had regained my memories and everything happened like Jesse said, I was released from the hospital.

"You'll take her straight home, right Clara?" My mom asked my best friend. She was looking towards her with her eyebrow arched, as if she was daring Clara to lie to her. My mom was working today, she wasn't able to afford the time off needed to take me home herself.

"Right home, Shelly, and I'll stay with her the whole day. Hell, you might have a hard time getting rid of me after this," Clara told my mom, a look of sincerity on her face. "In fact, maybe I'll just move in."

"You're always welcome at our house, Clara. Thank you for being such a good friend to my daughter," my mom said, leaning forward to give Clara a tight hug.

"You remember what you need to do?" My mom asked me, gently stroking my head.

"Yes mom," I rolled my eyes at her, "no TV, no phones, no screens. Take my pain medication every four hours and don't touch my bandages."

"And sleep," my mom reminded me, and when I nodded she pulled me into a tight hug. "I'm sorry I'm not around more, Lilly. I'm... maybe this wouldn't have happened if I didn't work so much. Maybe something needs to change."

"It wasn't your fault, mom. I'm old enough to know better," I told her as I hugged her back. My heartstrings were pulling, a guilt gathering like storm clouds in my stomach. She didn't realize that the only one who caused this was Jesse.

Well, and me.

Clara was quiet as she drove me home, she looked distracted. She had been glancing at her phone every few minutes until I took it away from her, I wasn't interesting in getting into another car accident with her. Especially not while I already had a concussion.

When we got to my house, she simply pulled me by my hand up to my room. I didn't ask her what she had her mind on, because I already knew. Her mind was reeling just like mine, she was feeling the betrayal of two people who had been prominent in our lives for the last couple of years. When we walked into my room, she led me to my bedroom. She gestured for me to climb in my bed, and after I did, she pulled the blankets around me, tucking me in as if I was a child.

"You sleep, Lilly," Clara told me, smiling at me in a way that made my love for her grow in my chest. Clara might be wild, she might be crazy and she might be loud. But she was the best friend I could ever imagine having, and she loved me. She loved me in a way that I don't think I had been loved before, besides by my mother. She loved me unconditionally.

"Sleep, and don't worry about this. I'm going to figure it out, I'm going to figure out a way to fix this. I promise. You don't have to worry," Clara told me as she left my bed, she gave me another smile before she turned my light off and closed the door behind her.

Sleep was easier to find this time. Maybe because of Clara's comforting words, or maybe because it was the daytime. I found it easier to sleep in the day. Maybe because I wasn't left with only total darkness and my thoughts. I wasn't sure which one was more frightening, or which one held more promises of things unseen.

I began to be pulled back into consciousness by the feeling of a large hand on my face. I blinked as I opened my eyes, the grogginess still holding my mind, and my body still unaware it was time to wake up. I had to blink a few times before I realized it was Roman's face above me. He was looking down at me, his blue eyes swirling with emotions that I wasn't able to read.

His thumb was brushing my face, swiping the skin that was free of makeup and no doubt slightly damp from the sheen of sweat that covered me. He didn't seem to care, however, his eyes still looked at me like he had meant the words that he had told me the days before.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, trying to sit him, but the other one of his hands, the one that wasn't on my face, pushed me back down.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Lilac," Roman whispered, and he looked like he meant it. "I'm so sorry, you'll never know how sorry I am. If I'd have known what was going to happen, I wouldn't have talked to you that morning. I wouldn't have tried to interfere... I just, you have to know, I wasn't trying to freak you out. I wasn't trying to cause a fight with Jesse."

"There will always be a fight with Jesse," I muttered, shaking my head.

"I know, that's why I'm so scared whenever I see you with him," Roman told me, his hand dropped from my face, it ran along side my body. I wasn't sure what he was doing until he attempted to find my hand, feeling the bandages on my hand instead. He stopped his movements, his eyes leaving mine and looking down at my bandaged hand instead.

"Jesus," he said as he gently lifted it. "What happened in that fucking bathroom?"

"Clara didn't tell you?" I asked him. I had assumed that was what she and Samuel were talking about when she left my hospital room last night.

"No," Roman told me, his eyes not leaving my wrapped hand. He was turning my hand around, looking at every angle like he would be able to see the cuts beneath the wrap. "She didn't tell us much, Lilac, besides that you need my help."

"Oh," I said simply, not sure what else to say.

"I'll always help, Lilac. I told you before, you can trust me. Samuel and I will help," Roman assured me, looking back towards my face.

The expression that he was wearing made my drop my eyes, the look was intense. And some reason, I had the feeling he was telling me the truth. But, once he knew the truth, his idea of help might land him into trouble.

"I'm glad to hear that, Rome, because we sure as fuck need it," I heard Clara's voice say, and I watched as she and Samuel entered into my room.

"Whatever it is," Samuel said, "just tell me it's finally time for us to kick both of your boyfriend's asses."