Say When

T W E N T Y - F I V E

Five hours later, I slipped on my sneakers and pulled my hair into a ponytail. I grabbed my headphones and my phone and left the hotel room. I checked the time. It was nearing two in the morning. We hit a diner after the concert and filled up on burgers and waffles fries before heading back to the hotel. We planned to watch a movie but everyone had given in to sleep halfway through.

David and Rita on one of the Queen beds. Her face buried deep in her t-shirt that she refused to take off. Drake hugged her during the backstage meet and greet. She briefly passed out and when she finally came to Drake was gone but she swore her shirt smelled of him.

Yuri and Casey were on the pull out sofa bed. They'd graciously offered me the other Queen bed. "I don't need that much space!" were Casey's actual words. I took it as her calling me fat and vowed to not speak a word to her for the duration of this trip.

Lying there with both couples on either side of me I felt stifled. I couldn't sleep so I left and prayed that the hotel had a twenty-four-hour gym. I went down to the front desk where a polite middle-aged woman with streaks of gray hair and kind eyes directed me toward the small gym. It was empty, thankfully, and I beelined straight for the treadmill. I stretched briefly before queueing up my nineties R&B playlist, stepped on and dialed the speed up to a five.

My liberal hips and behind bounced with every footfall. I sighed deeply and kept my legs rolling. I resigned myself a while ago to be ample throughout my body. The photos of my mother I'd seen from a decade ago showed a woman with curves stacked on to her frame. There would be no petite's anywhere in my closet ever. I don't need that much space! I frowned and punched the speed up to a six. My legs rotated faster.

I knew that everyone heard it. The way the Rita shot her eyes over at Casey. The way David and Yuri busied themselves unpacking their bags. It was likely not her intention. It didn't matter though. It only mattered how it sounded--extra loud in that small room. Fuck her. Really. Just really..fuck her.

She made me reconsider Yuri. Ever since we met, I felt like we recognized parts of ourselves in one another. Something simple and easy. That's what we connected on. That's what we shared. I wondered what part of himself he saw in Casey. My legs burned and I wanted to slow down but frustration fueled me forward.

I caught my reflection in the mirror. The 'B' necklace that Jax gave me bounced on my chest with each stride. I found comfort in knowing that I was his. It was like I saw myself again when I remembered that I was his girl. Whoever I thought I was, whoever I thought Yuri had seen was less important than who I am now. I was secure in Jax and in the control I had over my own future. I wouldn't peak in High School like I'm sure the 'Casey's' of the world would.

It was becoming too deep. I closed my eyes just for a brief second to quiet my thoughts and move them in a different direction. Exercise was supposed to be relaxing. I opened my eyes to see a tall figure standing behind me in the mirror.

My feet crossed over one another. Before I knew it I was skidding along the belt. I landed between two elliptical machines behind me. My arm had a throbbing heat running down it. I looked down to see a silver dollar-sized portion of my skin had been rubbed clean off my forearm. Seeing it triggered more pain receptors to fire. I keeled over onto the ground and winced.

"Let me see it." My arm was in his hands. I jerked it back not wanting him to touch it. He yanked it right back. I peeked. Tiny ruby dots perked up on my raw skin. Yuri was gone and back in a flash with a medical kit. He cracked it open and pulled out gauze pads. He worked silently, not letting my winces and yelps deter him from doing a thorough job.

"What are you doing here?"

"I saw you leave." His long fingers dabbed at the skin with a gauze pad. As quickly as he dabbed it more droplets sprouted up.