Unlikely

12. Loss

[Leon]

Justin and I are flies on the wall as we sit among this family of girls. From the time that we left the school until now, all I tried to do was be a support system. Marrisa was almost in as much shock as Sasha and her sister and stayed glued to me when she wasn't to Sasha. Every now and then Justin and I would glance at each other because neither one of us really knew what to do especially when Sasha spit at her sister's dude. 

Nearly a half an hour had passed since Sasha ran off and Zola followed behind her. In that time both Zola and Marrisa's parents had showed up. It wasn't long after that when Rashad's surgeon returned to deliver the awful news that Rashad did not pull through. The screams of people mourning sent chills down my spine and as soon as Marrisa let go of me to cry in her mothers arms, I ran out of the emergency room to get fresh air. I sit on a bench outside trying to hold back tears.

"I had to get out of there too." Justin takes up residence besides me, freely letting tears flow. "That kid didn't deserve that man. Sasha didn't deserve that. I mean, I didn't know Rashad really but I always saw him around...he was a funny kid, you know. Le, how could something like this happen? How do we help them?"

Justin's naivety and good heart always kept me grounded and this time was no different. If he wasn't here I'd probably retreat into myself and forget my purpose of being here. I had no right to cry and needed to be here for the people who'd just lost someone.

"We just be there, bruh."

[Sasha]

I did not see my dad for the last time until the funeral but I laid on my baby brother's chest in the hospital that day. His head was wrapped in bandages and his face swollen but he looked like he was just sleeping, he still looked like my Shady. The moment had been playing in my mind for the past week and a half as I sat mute in his room, buried under the blanket that smelled of him and sleeping Daddy's old work shirt. I willed Rashad to wake up with all my heart and waited for his chest to rise and for him to squirm away and say "Ew get off of me" like he always did when I hugged him too tightly.

I was angry and hopeless and lost. I no longer knew my place in this world. I used to be my brother's fierce protector and the one who's heart was set on keeping this family together and I failed at both. 

In my heart, I knew that I was losing my mind. At the funeral, I had a major outburst at all the crying classmates that came to give their condolences. Half of them didn't even know us while the other half talked shit about me all the time. I literally screamed at everyone there until Saniya pulled me out. Now, instead of just talking to my dead mother, I found myself talking to my dead parents and brother as I stayed locked away refusing to see anyone. In these vivid daydreams my family was together and happy with dreams for the future. I was broken out of my most recent one by shouting and falling objects coming from the living room.

"Get the fuck up!" I hear Omari yell as Saniya whimpers. I roll my weakened body off of the bed and shuffle out into the living room to see a dramatic scene playing out.

"Not if you're going to put your hands on me, O!" she screams and she places a hand over her belly and stands defensively in case he would hit her. Our entire world had turned to shit in an instant and he had the nerve to use this to his advantage. In the time that our father had passed, Omari had turned into a real monster. He was verbally and emotionally abusive, drank all this time, was lazy, and would basically tell Saniya that she had no one now. Perhaps she'd been living this hell all along and I just didn't notice or didn't care to. All that time and energy that I'd put towards Rashad, I felt that I'd failed Saniya as well.

"You better not touch her!" Omari raises a hand to hit her but I stand in her place. We stand there staring each other down. If he hit me or Regi, I'd fight back with everything I had because I was not going to be a victim to him after losing so much. Finally, he puts his hand down and grabs the house and car keys, Saniya's house and car keys, off the table and leaves. As soon as he's gone, Saniya collapses in tears on the floor while I pick up the broken ceramic from the dish that he's slammed. "So are you pregnant?" I ask despite her tears.

"What?"

"You've been throwing up a lot and I thought it was just grief but I saw you grab your stomach when ya'll were into it so, are you?"

She nods and tries to gather herself. "He doesn't know yet and I was trying to find the right time to tell you too."

"You could have just told me, we need good news around here." I try to smile but it feels odd and out of place. Saniya rises, sits on the couch, and begins to cry again.

"Sasha I couldn't just tell you." she shakes her head. "I can't--" she trails off.

"You can't what?" Fear floods me. "Don't tell me you don't want it."

"Not under these circumstances but I'm going to keep my baby. I just can't...you can't...stay here." she mumbles out without looking at me.

"But...we're all we have left."

"Exactly which is why you can't stay here. Sasha, you are having a mental break down that I fully understand but I can't help you and I'm not leaving Omari right now."

"You're not leaving Omari and I'm the one having a mental breakdown."

"Sasha, I just need time to sort all of this out. Can you give me that for once?"

"Only if you promise that you will leave and that we will get through this together." She grabs my hands, looked me in my eyes, and promises.