Secrets Until Someday

Chapter 34

Sydney's POV

The rest of my day passes by in a fog and I use all the energy I have to make it through cheerleading practice. I want to stay on top of my game as I await a tryout callback from the videos I sent in last week. My desire to attain a cheerleading scholarship is the only thing that I can focus on harder than what conversation awaits me with Brooks later. I tried calling him again after school but once again it went to voicemail. 

I left practice and made it home quickly as I paced my bedroom with my phone in my hand waiting to hear from him. At that moment I hated the power he held over my heart. I hated that it felt like every time I put my faith in what we could someday have the other shoe would drop and this raging insecurity was all I could feel. 

How could I be so stupid? How could I put myself in this position over and over again with him...and with that thought, my heart whispered into my head, You love him Sydney...

The minute I felt the vibration against my fingers I answered with a shakey "Hello..." 

"Hi." was all he said. I could hear the distance in his voice and it shattered me more. 

"Brooks," I swallow the tears that have already erupted against my cheeks. "I'm so sorry. I thought I could try and get through to him. I didn't mean to make things worse, I was only trying to help." 

I hear him blow out a deep breath," I know..." My body slightly relaxes at the softness in his voice. "I know you had good intentions, but that's not the way shit works with my family Syd, I need you to stay out of this so that I can figure out where to go from here." 

"Okay, I promise I'll stay out of it." I wipe the tears from my face and a few sniffles escape into the phone. 

"Please don't cry baby, I can't stand to hear you upset when I'm not there." 

My knees go weak at his words but I can't help the tears still falling from my eyes, "I was so afraid that you were going to end it." I admit to him. 

"Syd, we've barely gotten started, I'm not letting you go, this is all just going to take some time." 

His words comfort me but I still fear that all of this will eventually wear on the both of us and his dad's words ring in my head once again...

"I love you, Brooks. I have for such a long time that my heart won't come back from losing you again." I whisper through the phone, feeling so vulnerable and exposed. 

"I love you too Syd. I know this is hard but we will figure it out."

***

I stayed true to my promise and kept out of Brooks's family issues which haven't been resolved in the slightest. His birthday is in a few weeks, at the end of February and I want to plan a surprise trip to visit him. I knew he wouldn't come home with everything in such disarray with his parents so my wheels were spinning with a way I could see him.

I figure if I ask Sam and Quinn to tag along we can convince our parents that we are going to check out the campus, which isn't a complete lie. I am curious about Lousiville, to see how it feels and if I could make a life there for the next four years. I even sent in a video to their cheerleading coach just in case. 

After mentioning the idea to my mom and a two-hour lecture on the dangers of drinking and the consequences of teen pregnancy she finally agreed to let me go on the weekend trip. Being 18 and having two others along for the ride helped my case but my parents also adore Brooks so I know that improved my chances. 

We've organized all the details, and Quinn and Sam didn't have to do as much convincing to their parents so all that's left is for me to find him the perfect gift and count down the days. Until then I have to survive on texts and nightly phone calls which don't do nearly enough for me at this point.