Levi's POV
"How do you feel?" Onyankonpon asks as I looked at my hand, seeing those metal fingers. All I could think about was how Erwin would've been stunned about these... prosthetics. One by one, I lifted those metal fingers, feeling they were heavy. It'll take time to get used to it. "Levi?"
"It's a little weird... can I go back home? I've been here 2 months already-."
"We're working on it, Levi."
"I just need to go back home."
Onyankonpon leans forward and in a hushed tone, he spoke about her. "Is something going on with Hanji?"
Keep it a secret... keep it a secret...
"I... every day I'm not near her, my mind is convincing me that Hanji is still dead... that she's not living with me in that cabin. Every day, she helps me with the daily chores, my baths, everything. Now, I have Falco and Gabi. I don't mind them helping me, but they don't know me as well as Hanji does. I just... need to see her again. I need to hear her voice. Everything... I just want to go home..."
Onyankonpon nodded his head, "I'll go talk to everyone right now. I'll get it sorted out then. But for now... rest-."
"If I do, I hear the voices..."
"What voices?"
"The ones that tell me that Hanji's dead... and I've been living with a ghost."
* * *
When did I pass out?
"Hanji?!" I shouted, looking everywhere. Then, I remember where I was... in Marley... I'm worrying too much about her...
"Captain Levi, is everything okay?" The door opened to reveal Armin with a tray of food. "I came by to give you this... if it's still okay." I nodded my head, giving him approval. "I heard you cry out... and... I know..."
"Know?" I know he's smart, but did he figure out about her being alive?
Armin nods, quickly setting the tray down. "Yes... I know that it's painful that we haven't found her... and I blame myself. I know how close you two were... and I'm sorry I couldn't bring her to peace. I replaced her-."
"No one can be replaced." I was able to breathe again because he doesn't know the truth. "Don't be sorry..." She's alive anyways...
"Still... we haven't found any new clues to her body..."
"It's... best to leave it alone. Leave it to rest. Hanji needs to believe that her life wasn't in vain. I believe she'll be at peace if we praised her for her sacrifice. Hanji would've wanted that."
"Then... what about the grave?"
"Have an empty grave. Her name is inscribed on the gravestone. We'll lay her to rest... with or without her body."
Armin nods his head, handing me a spoon for soup. "Do you want to try to use the spoon again? Or do you want me to hand-feed you?"
"How hot is the soup?"
"It's not too hot. It's warm enough that it doesn't make the soup taste bad. We don't want another incident like yesterday..." Taking the spoon from him, I feel my metal fingers struggling to grip the spoon. But this time, I was able to hold onto it. "Ah, that's some improvement, Captain!"
I was able to eat the entire bowl of soup without spilling a drop. Armin gave a bit more praise as I grew used to the fingers. I wonder what she would think when I return to her and our baby. Is everything okay with her?
"I'll let you rest a bit more."
"Why?"
Armin sighed, picking up all of the bowls and utensils back onto the tray. "If you want to go home badly, Onyankonpon suggested that you need rest. The longer you don't heal from the operation, the longer you'll stay here." He looks at the metal, sighing a bit more. "Commander Erwin would've wanted one of these..."
"He would've..." He had this aura of depression whenever he walked. After he lost his arm, I couldn't understand what it meant to lose something that you had forever. When Hanji lost her eye, I still couldn't understand. But after I lost parts of myself, I understood their pain. "If we had this technology..."
"We would use it to our advantage." Armin finishes my sentence, standing up to his feet. "I'll leave you to it then, Captain." He leaves me alone again... and I felt the voices creeping up on me again. I think I just need to sleep...
* * *
My blood ran cold when I jolted awake in the middle of the night. I quickly lit up a light, looking around my room. I saw Hanji standing in the corner of the room, gently holding her hands over her stomach.
This isn't possible, she isn't here... she's supposed to be at the cabin! My mind's playing tricks again...
"You're right, I'm not real." She smiles devilishly, gliding over to sit next to me on the bed. "After all, I'm dead."
My head shook in protest. "You're at the cabin-."
"No, I'm not. How can I be at the cabin when I'm right here?"
"You're not real..."
"That's right. I'm dead, after all. Onyankonpon was right... I'm a ghost. And I blame you."
"Blame me? For what?"
"You killed me, Levi. When I was about to die for you and everyone, you could've stopped me. Why didn't you stop me? Why didn't you stop me from dying? I died because of you!" She went on about how I killed her... but she isn't dead...
Hanji... are you real?
"I've spent months with you in the cabin! This is a nightmare, right? I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming."
Hanji chuckles, shaking her head. When I outstretched my hand towards her, it only went through her- she wasn't there. "I'm just a ghost..."
"Onyankonpon saw you-."
"Did he, Levi? You're going crazy, little man... your fragile mind is breaking... you're broken inside. Look at the truth! Onyankonpon never saw me! You believed he did! You're living alone in that cabin, trying to live peacefully... you talk to yourself like a little child with their imaginary friend."
"The baby..."
"Never existed."
I shook my head, "No... no, it has to exist..."
"Those were just dreams, Levi... think about it."
She disappears from my sight, and I have thought about it. I thought about holding her hand and digging my fingers into her skin to make her feel pain. She felt real at that time... she cried in pain... but was that true? Or was it false? What's the truth and the lie?
Is she dead... or is she alive and my mind is playing tricks...?
My fists clenched as the tears were held back from falling. "Hanji... where are you...? I need you here..."
YOU ARE READING
{LEVIHAN} Always
Fanfiction*BASED ON MANGA Unable to let go of his lover, Levi attempted to lay her to rest. But for her to rest in peace, her body was needed. When his squad and others went to the last place Hanji was seen alive, her body was gone. Levi knew she would always...
