Me: You tell me what.
Nia: I don't know what. What?
Me: Nothing...
Nia: Did you just...turn me out?
Me: You came on to me.
Nia: I don't regret it...
Me: I'm sure...
I glided my hand up and down her thighs. I could feel the tiny hairs on her body stand up. She shivered at my touch.
Nia: So...what now?
Me: You tell me, Nia.
Nia: I don't know how to feel right now.
Me: What are you thinking about?
Nia: Honestly...?
Me: Tell me...
Nia: I don't know...
Me: What's wrong?
Nia: Nothing. I just...I don't know how to put into words.
Me: Are you afraid?
Nia: No just uncertain.
Me: About what?
Nia: Myself.
Me: You don't have to have all the answers.
Nia: Do you?
Me: Do I what?
Nia: Have all the answers.
Me: About what?
Nia: Yourself. Who you are. What you want...
Me: What are you asking?
Nia: Girls? Guys? Both? Just one.
Me: I like girls...especially you.
Nia: Well that just made me all tingly inside.
Me: What do you want?
Nia: I don't know anymore. I thought I did.
Me: Do you want me?
Nia: ...
Me: You can be honest with me. I won't be hurt.
Nia: You wouldn't be.
Me: I wouldn't?
Nia: No... because I do. I think.
Me: You don't have to subscribe to a category. Just do you want you want.
Nia: Okay...
She grabbed my face and forced her tongue in my mouth, her fingers interlocked with mine. She held me and kissed me with an insurmountable level of passion. "You want me..." I whispered into her mouth. She sucked my bottom lip.
Nia: Did you know I beat cancer?
Me: What? No?
Nia: When I was seventeen, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer.
Me: I'm sorry...
Nia: No, it's fine. That's why I wear this short cut. Chemo took my hair out, so I shaved it. It grew back like this and I loved it.
Me: I love it on you.
Nia: Cancer is scary. There were times that I begged God to take the pain away or let the disease have me.
Me: I'm glad He took it away because otherwise I wouldn't have ever met you.
Nia: Don't do that.
Me: Do what?
Nia: Make me feel all warm inside.
Me: Why not?
Nia: I can't have kids.
Me: I'm so sorry, Nia.
Nia: I mean...it's fine.
Me: Not that I don't want you confiding in me, because I love that you feel this level of comfort with me, but why are you telling me all this?
Nia: I don't know...my feelings are all over the place.
I kissed her cheek, planting the back of my fingers on it, stroking her gently.
Nia: You have my emotions going wild right now.
Me: What does that mean?
Nia: It means I want more of this.
Me: What is this?
Nia: You...us.
Me: So you're gay for me?
Nia: Shut up!
Me: I'll accept that, if it means I get more nights like this with you.
Nia: It does.
Me: Good...
She kissed my lips again. I placed my hands on the back of her neck. A sense of comfort came over her and I could feel it in her demeanor.
Nia: When did you know you liked girls?
Me: The first time Gabby Washington walked into Mrs. Alexander's kindergarten class with her yellow dress and sunflower bows on her long twists. And again in second grade when I convinced my mama to allow me to pack an extra Rice Krispie treat for Olivia Green in my lunch because I wanted to be her best friend, but really I liked holding her hand on the playground. She was my first kiss. She had a birthday party at McDonalds in the little play place area. We were crawling through the tunnels and we were just laughing and chasing either and she kissed me. That's what solidified it, I think. I asked her why did that. She said these people on TV did it cuz they liked each other. So I kissed her again. Just like a little peck on the lips, you know. It was a little inappropriate but we were kids. We didn't know any better. We just saw adults kissing and thought that's what you do. But when I got older and all the girls were all crushing on boys, I was only interested in girls.
Nia: And your parents were cool with it?
Me: Yeah, they're as liberal as they come. When did you know you liked girls?
Nia: Uhh...
Me: You do.
Nia: No I don't.
Me: Be honest with me. When did you know?
Nia: Why do you think that?
Me: I could sense it.
Nia: How?
Me: We always know.
Nia: The night we first hung out.
Me: Not before then?
Nia: I don't know. Not really.
Me: Never a girl crush, even innocent?
Nia: If you count Tika Sumpter...
Me: Candice Young, huh?
Nia: She could get it.
Me: I see it.
Nia: I've never really thought about girls like that. Not how I think about you.
Me: How do you think about me?
Nia: I can't stop thinking about you. Romantically. Sexually.
Me: I feel the same way.
Nia: Why do things happen like this?
Me: Like what?
Nia: This force...I feel drawn to you.
Me: I just...have that effect.
Nia: Kiss me again.
I leaned in for a kiss, placing my hand on the back of her thigh, pulling her close, inhaling her scent.
