HIS BEAUTIFUL SECRET (completed)

CHAPTER 21 - THE MYSTERY NOTE

I cried uncontrollably that night. Not just soft sobs, but deep down, ugly cries. 
The kind of crying you only want to do in private because if anyone ever witnessed it, they would never really look at you the same. It didn't help that Jake texted me like a thousand times.

"Sky, please, I am SO SORRY!"

"Please forgive me!"

"I CANNOT live without you, please baby!"

Each word felt like heaping coal on an already blazing fire. They came in rapid succession but I never relented.

It was killing me inside, each text brought a new wave of tears. Didn't he know that he was literally torturing me? He had no right to keep pulling at my heart, it was all his fault, he made the choice.

So many times he could have come clean to his family and friends but even after all we had been through together, he just could not find the strength. There was nothing that I wanted more than to be with him but I couldn't, not like this.

I cried and cried, eventually pulling myself into the fetal position, hoping it would all just go away. I wished that somehow, I would wake up in the morning and be a perfectly normal girl with her heart firmly in tack.

I lay there, rubbing the pendant of the necklace he gave me, something that had quickly become second nature but it suddenly felt wrong to wear it. I thought it was a gesture of love but it had turned into a constant reminder of what would never be.

I took the necklace off and placed it back in its box and then walked over to my dresser.

Pulling open the top drawer, I placed it inside where it would stay permanently. When I shut the drawer felt like a door shutting on my soul, but it had to be done and I had to be strong.

Jenny called me not long after to try and console me but it was no use, how do you console a shattered heart? I finally managed to drift off to sleep, knowing that the morning would bring us face to face, something I was not ready for.

Just as I suspected, Jake was waiting by our parking spot in his truck when Jenny pulled in. I gathered myself, Jenny giving me a quick pep talk and then grabbed the handle to exit the car. Jake had walked over to the car by that time and was leaning against it with his arms folded, waiting on me.

I pushed the door to, staring only at the ground, willing myself not to make eye contact. Forcing myself to move straight ahead and out of his orbit, I felt his hand grab my upper arm, pulling me back.

"Sky, wait, please" he pleaded.

I pulled my arm out of his grasp, it took all of my will since his touch was what I constantly craved. His hand was warm and safe and comfortable, I never wanted to be free of it.

Regardless of how I felt, I had to do what was right and so I let my gaze meet his. Looking in his eyes was almost my undoing. There was so much pain there, so much longing my heart could barely stand it. 

"Jake, I have to get to school," I said firmly, with my best game face on.

My words looked as if they sliced him like a razor. Even though there was a cold distance between us that had never been present before, gravity was pulling our hearts toward each other. It was altogether confusing and unsettling. I wanted him, he wanted me but we couldn't have each other, the pain of that realization was excruciating and playing out right there in the school parking lot.

"Sky, you have to believe me I am so sorry and you know I would never hurt you, I would do anything for you," he insisted.

"Then how come you just did?"  I tried to hide my tears but I knew he saw them, mustering all of my willpower, I finally walked away. Jenny put her arm around me and lead me into school. In her own way she was trying to protect me from the pain but nothing really could.