The Safe House | TFIL

32 - Memories

When both the ladies eventually leave

I am left alone

Alone to myself

And alone to the world

It's not like I wasn't like this before

You get used to the feeling

You truly do

I am used to the feeling

I don't know what to do with myself

This isn't my room back home

Home

God I hate that word for it

That place was no home

It was a living space

If even that

I don't know what to do

I'm just so confused

So I follow my guts

And I walk over to the window

I twist the knob so I can see through the blinds

I still can't see

At least not get the view I want

I pull the blinds up all the way

Pulling the string down and down

Finally I get the whole view

The whole thing

It's beautiful outside

Gorgeous

I want to go out there so badly

I want to feel the grass between my toes

My bare feet in the soil

I want to hear the birds chirping

The twigs snapping

The leaves crunching

All as I close my eyes an let the feelings flow

I want to breathe in the air

And get that taste of freedom

The taste I so badly deserve

But most of all

I want to feel the Sun

I want to feel the genuine warmth

That I haven't felt in such a long time

I look up in the sky

The sun is covered by a few clouds

But still visable

I squint to get a better look

And that's when I heard his voice

Replaying those words in my head

"You shouldn't stare at the Sun, ya know?"

I closed my eyes

And breathed in slowly

"You shouldn't stalk people."

I thought

I lowered my head

Looking down at the bottom of the window

And sighed out loud

With more meaning

I open then reluctantly

And look out the window

It's starting to rain