Seeing Shane Gray ✓

twenty | chocolate

*.*.*.*.*.*

October 19

Since my parents don't own a fancy coffee machine, I ended up trying to seem less lame by putting a kettle on the stove as a search through the drawers for a Nescafe sachet. Color rises in my cheeks at the thought of Shane seeing it and I stand with my back toward him.

"Shouldn't you be eating something by now?"

He speaks and I nearly drop the sachet, freezing. Turning around slowly, I watch him take a seat at one of the chairs at the island, leaning over it to place his arms flat on the top. One corner of his lips turns upward and he raises his eyebrows as if questioning me about whatever is on his mind.

As for me, I can't get past the fact that he looks too hot to be real.

"Sugar?" I ask, blinking and trying to imagine something horrendous so I won't get lost in his metaphorical pools of mesmerizing eyes.

"No, thanks," he says. "I'll have some chocolate instead."

His mention of chocolate reminds me of the one he'd handed me in the car. Reaching into my hoodie's pocket, I take out the bar of snickers and hold it out to him. His smile falls a little and he frowns at my hand.

"You don't like chocolate?" he asks, taking the bar from me and putting it in front of him.

I hesitate, turning away from him and fiddling with the knobs of the stove which is refusing to boil the water already.

"I do, I just ..."

I trail off, figuring out what to say and even if I should say it or not. I've grown so accustomed to keeping my feelings bottled up that the prospect fo sharing them with someone is frightening. Shane isn't a judgmental person, though, so that eases my anxiety a bit. Regardless, my heartbeat echoes in my head when I attempt to speak.

"Carter would get me chocolate," I admit, smiling a little at the memory. "He knew I liked them so he'd get them for me every time I was mad at him, or down, or just ... whenever he needed something done." I chuckle. "He'd buy me tons of them and sometimes even blackmail me by refusing to give them to me when I asked."

Still smiling, I look back at Shane who has a small smile resting on his face.

"I like chocolate but it brings back memories of a person I can't bring back," I confess.

Shane nods, licking his lower lip.

"Your relationship with Carter was amazing," he says. "I mean ... He was always there, like that protective older brother --"

"We were the same age." I laugh.

"Yeah, but he was the boss, you know?" Shane laughs too. "I didn't know him too well but I could see he really cared about you."

"You noticed that?" I pick up.

"Yeah, it was hard not to." Shane grins. "He made it impossible for anyone to talk to you."

My heart clogs in my throat and I smile despite the sadness. It's crazy how Shane noticed Carter's overprotectiveness despite us never crossing paths. Carter didn't have many friends, his entire life revolving around our small but happy family. He was the life of our house, always laughing, always smiling. No matter how bad things got, he could always find a silver lining to focus on. He was always happy.

Or maybe he was just really good at pretending.

"You don't know how many times he intercepted my attempts to ..." He stops suddenly, his eyes widening as if he's said something wrong.