Learning to Love (Lesbian Story)

Chapter 19

She’ll never speak to me again. I did this. It’s all my fault. I wish I would’ve listened. I should’ve talked to her, we could’ve talked it out.

 “Damn.” I said as I walked the front steps.

 I took my house keys out, and I dropped them. Wasn’t paying no type attention to what I was doing.

 “Damn!” I said I bent down to pick them up. I reached for them, but then another hand beat me there. I froze. My heart pounded. For five seconds I stood there frozen in time.

 I stared hard at the hand. I swallowed hard, as I slowly stood up straight.

I slowly looked up at her. My heart pounded at the sight of her. Adrenaline rush went all through my body.

For like two minutes nonstop we stared at each other with unfamiliar curiosity.

I began to breath just a little bit heavier.

We were both itching to say something, but words just couldn’t form.

“Kaliya?” she said never breaking eye contact.

“Christina?” I said the words just sliding off my tongue like butter on a hot skillet.

“Could we umm could we talk please?” Christina said quietly.

 “Ok” I said nodding my head. She handed me my house keys. My hands were shaking wildly.

I nervously fumbled with my keys as my hands shook as if they didn’t know how to be hands anymore. I steadied my hand enough to slide the key into the lock, and turned. The click of the lock unlocking never seemed so loud. I pushed the door open, and cool draft came out as soon as the door open.

“Come on in.” I said holding the door open for her.

She hesitated at first and then walked right in. I followed behind her. I shut the door behind me.

 Again we just stood staring at each other unsure of ourselves, and each other too. I tossed my keys on the coffee table.

I wanted her to say something. I wanted to say something. But this silence between us was so suffocating. The air was thick, and I just couldn’t breath no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t breath.

I swallowed hard. My mouth was dry like I hadn’t drank water in days. Somebody please say something. This silence is killing me.

“Christina I’m sorry. I’m a terrible person. I should’ve let you explain. I should’ve listened to you. And I didn’t and I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for my behavior. I know, it was wrong. I just wish you would have told me. You could’ve said that you were married but are separated and you could’ve just told me. But it’s not your fault. I understand how it feels to have a bad relationship from the past, still affecting your current relationship. I know you probably didn’t wanna bring all that baggage.” I said with my last twenty seconds of courage.

“But you could still be open about it. I could’ve agreed, and looked pass that. I know I’m heavy sometime but I’m actually really flexible especially when it comes to you. I don’t deserve you. I truly don’t. I’m a terrible person. And my value on the dating market has deplored since I have four children now. I mean they’re blessings, and I thank God for them everyday. But ya know usually people run from people with children especially when it comes to love or whatever.” I said.

I paused and I waited. She was looking at me. Her not talking was making me super nervous. Was she hearing me? Did she not like what I was saying? I wish she would respond.