Before the Morning

I was staring at her I know. The girl who I was in love with was leaving tomorrow. She was always confusing me, always sending me mixed signals. Hazel, one of my best friends since middle school was leaving tomorrow for a job that her mom got in New York. We live in Nebraska. People struggle to maintain relationships when someone switches schools but moving states I don't think we could come back from that.

Our friend group was all out at our favorite ice cream place as a last little sendoff towards her. I was staring I know. I couldn't really help it. How could I? She's leaving and I never got to tell her how I really feel. I'm sitting across from her. I always found it funny for some reason that her name is Hazel but her eyes are as blue as the sky on a clear summer day. I got lost in them more than I would like to admit. All-time would slow down and for a second they would be no sound. Everyone else would disappear and it would just be me and her. For second things would be perfect. Only for a second. 

"Jazz? Jazz? Jasmine Cole!" Hazel says snapping me out of my trance.

"Yeah, what's going on?"

"Oh, I bet she was staring at that cashier boy over there," Trey says as he gestures to the boy behind the counter.

"Screw off Trey," Emma says. As she is the only one who knows my secret.

I wave at the boy behind the counter. He smiles at me. He's cute maybe this is what I need instead of Hazel.

"Yeah go get him," Hazel says in an awkward way as she half-smirks resting her head on her hand and longingly looks out of the window.

I wait about a few minutes for one of her snarky comments or stupid joke. But nothing.

"Everything okay Hazel?" I ask in a worried tone

"I'm fine!" She yells. A couple of people turn around from their tables and look at ours with judging eyes. "I'm fine." She says quieter this time embarrassed with herself "Let's go Trey." She scooches out of the booth and hurries out the door. Trey follows her and shrugs at me looking just as confused as I was. He calls her name as he tries to catch up to her

"What the hell was that?" Emma asks

"Don't know." I shake my head and twirl my spoon in my ice cream as if I was staring into it for answers.

We must have sat there in silence for a good ten minutes until we got up and left. The car ride back to my house was pretty much complete dead air except for the radio quietly playing. We got to my house I slammed my head on the steering wheel. The horn blasting for couple seconds until Emma lifts me off the wheel. I immediately cover my face with my hands as I leaned back in my seat.

"Jasmine, no. You are not about to self destruct."

"This was not how today was supposed to go, Emma. We all were supposed to get ice cream, and we would hug. Then Hazel would leave I would cry myself to sleep for the next few months because I would never see her again." I muffle through my hands.

"That was your master plan? Your best scenario?"

"Well she's not gay so how much better than that could it get?" I let my hands leave my face as stare at her annoyed.

"Okay, but how do you really know she's straight?" She tilts her head and smiles at me.

"Well considering the fact that I have known her since we were twelve and we are now seventeen? Right?" Emma nods, I continue "In those five years she had dated ten guys and how many girls? Oh yeah. Zero."

"Fine since you are such an expert on everyone's sexuality let's talk about you. You have had one long-term relationship with a guy right?'' I nod. "But the real question is how many girls have you dated? In the history of ever?''