Off the Ice | ONGOING

11.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

ELIAS REED

I'm not sure what possessed me into asking her that, but it's almost like the words left my lips before I even had a second to think about it.

"W-what?" Rowan stutters, clearly caught off by the question too.

"Why do you hate me so much?" I repeat for some reason, needing to hear an answer.

"I don't hate you." She mutters quietly.

"You act like you do half the time." I counter.

"Because you piss me off. I'm trying to protect myself, and I'm not sure how to when you are constantly asking if you can get to know me."

My brows furrow. "I do it because the professor himself said that we truly need to know each other if we both want to get a good grade."

"I know, I know, but-" She stops herself, seeming unsure if she should continue. "It just seems like every time I let someone new into my life they always let me down." Rowan looks up from her lap and to me, and I see tears brimming her eyes. "I can't lose more people, no matter how close I am to them. And if I let you in, it's only bound to eventually happen."

A tear leaves her left eye and I find myself catching it with the pad of my thumb. I don't linger my hand there, knowing that I already made this conversation awkward enough.

A frown stays on my lips as the words leave her, and my chest constricts in understanding.

"I lost my older brother when I was little." I whispered, not sure why I'm telling her this right now. Rowan's eyes widened, like it was the last thing she was expecting me to say, but I go on. "I know how you feel, Hart. You don't need to hide that type of emotion when it comes to me."

"I'm sorry," Her voice wavers as she rubs her eyes with her hands. "I've been so clueless this whole time."

I catch her hands with my own, putting them back down into her lap. "Don't apologize, you didn't know."

"What was he like?" She asks with a tilt of her head.

A small smile escapes me as I stare ahead, not even sure where to start. "I was always the closest with him compared to my other siblings. When it comes to a big family, it's easy to go unnoticed, but Ryder made sure that never happened to me."

I could continue talking about him forever, and how he never once made me feel like an outcast, but we would be here for days on end. Instead, I shift the conversation towards Rowan. "What was your mom like?" I ask, not breaking the eye contact that resided between the two of us.

"I'm not sure if there's enough words in the English language to describe how truly caring she was. When I was little, I never once left her side. Even when my little brother was born, she made sure that I still felt loved and cared for. She was kind of like how you described Ryder."

"How did she pass away?" I find myself asking. In most case scenarios, I would think the question is rude, but for some reason I have this sudden urge to know.

"Cancer," Rowan says as her smile falters. "It was stage three breast cancer and they found it too late."

I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me, and I wasn't even sure if I heard her correctly until she said the last sentence.

"My brother passed away from cancer too, leukemia. He fought it off but then it came back, only ten times worse." I mutter.

"I'm sorry, Reed." Rowan apologizes, and she says it in the utmost sincere way that even when everything seems to be going to shit in my life, those three words are what's holding it together.